house-of-horrors-escape-room-2It was so long ago that I’d almost forgotten about the place. In fact, my memory is so cloudy I don’t even remember its name. But I do remember the owner…a stone dyke named Maria. Not that lesbians offend me. I just always found it curious when women who like other women own you-know-whats. It kind of portrays a teflon and detached environment which wouldn’t be conducive say…to hot encounters. Continue Reading

20161204_035316…is an old expression usually attributed to cops who give people speeding tickets…or girls who wanna know why you’re doing something so fast?!?! But in this case, it was next door to a certain place. Shall we say that for the moment, they’re not exactly “in the pink?”

Often, owners will use the excuse that they have plumbing problems to explain why they’re closed when we all know what really happened. In this case, the boss’s rep emailed me photos as proof of the pudding. How long they’ll be closed ownership does not currently know. I suggested moving to a hotel or partnering for the short term. But who knows? The corresponder seemed to be in a state of confusion.

The good part is the fire was next door – or above – from the looks of it, as the water damage is evident. I’ve seen what happens when firemen break down doors indiscriminately to get at the fire. It ain’t pretty! For that moment, it looks like a job Beavis and Butthead would love. Continue Reading

16I just received a call from an old phone girl friend who apprised me of a few bizarre rumors that have been going around about Dollar Bill. First and most ridiculous is that I’m a drug addict who blew all his money on cocaine. I can’t imagine how that rumor started given that I’m so anti-cocaine. Maybe Korean girls couldn’t fathom the idea that somebody could earn a lot of money and simply not spend it. Hard to say. Regardless, I’ll tell y’all what. I’ve been drug-tested 4 times in the past 2 months. And I’ve passed them all. Does that sound like a drug addict to you? Continue Reading

e1e681e106a706b2987386117ded2a59068ebf5172128d7b742646b792eb9cffMELANIA TRUMP or the latest in love doll technology? Not really a tough choice for me. I’ll take the “realer” of the two. Ya know…the amazingly lifelike love doll. Of course, one could call the first lady-to be an amazingly lifelike love doll as well. But Melania does not impress me. A speechwriter spoon-fed her a passage from a MICHELLE OBAMA speech and she didn’t even know it! I mean…come on!

Once upon a time, I had a sensational girlfriend. I knew I would never have it as good between the sheets when the relationship ended. So “why did it end” you might ask. One day, I cracked a really good joke. It was snide and sarcastic but subtle as well. Therein lay the problem. It went way over my girlfriend’s head. Alas, she was a dumbbell and I knew I couldn’t stay with her. To be fair, I don’t know that Melania’s a dumbbell. I just have a feeling. Continue Reading

It’s late and who wants to leave the house or wait for a girl to arrive when video chat with this and many other girls is just a few seconds away? Check it out! And every time you hit the refresh button, you’ll see a different girl. Or click the girl’s pic and the sound comes on.

 

chanelleYou get it…as in the Chanel #5 ad campaign from a hundred years ago? But this isn’t about perfume. It”s about a girl who proposed to me.

So anyway…I was stuffing envelopes at the Soup Kitchen a few weeks back (fund-raising solicitations), when the subject under discussion turned to arranged marriages for citizenship. Now this is something I know about…and I chimed in accordingly.

Her name was CHANEL…and she would make any man swell (as the ad copy read)! Chanel worked at a Queens casita out in Flushing. Literally my first week at Action, the house’s owner called the office looking for information about advertising and I was dispatched – with my trusty Minolta – to make the sale. (All Action salespeople were given cameras and instructed to take photos of any girl who was willing. This was the paper’s hook: “Over 200 girls you can have now!“). Continue Reading

lostMany years ago, the boyfriend of one of my lowest and most ghetto advertisers once referred to me as “the picture guy” before he got to know me as Billy. I thought it a simplified appellation given all the functions I used to perform for my advertisers as an ersatz ad agency. He gave me that name because I was the guy photographing the girls and that’s pretty much all he knew about me and my role. But now I could be described the same way not for my photography skills but my organizational prowess. Here’s why: Any photo I run on this blog – or ran in a publication or website in the past decade or more – ends up filed away in my computer and safetied in the cloud and on some external apparatus or other. This is all part of being a professional. You don’t want to lose anything if your hard drive crashes. Not that advanced a concept. Continue Reading

alainaIn a world of social media in which almost everybody gets the news about everything, ALAINA ANDERSON apparently missed the memo about NY KNICK STAR DERRICK ROSE allegedly sharing his ex-girlfriends’s favors with “the boyz” as she lay passed out from consuming too much alcohol and drugs. Alaina is dating the multi-millionaire athlete, regardless.

First, I have to question Derrick’s taste…as Alaina is not a profound beauty. The woman is short, squat, thick, has a head too big for her body, and appears to have a fake NIKKI MINAJ booty. All of this would (of course) be excusable if she were a wonderful person. But judging from the copious number of photos she’s posted on her Instagram account (Alaina’s an IG model – but more on that later), the girl is all about style and flash and the PARIS HILTON path to fame and fortune. Continue Reading

wealthy-homeless-dinnerIt’s not often that I get to eat a fancy meal cooked up by a trained chef from a prestigious hotel. But so it was last Friday when I was a table host at St. Bartholomew’s yearly Fare Share Thanksgiving meal. If you haven’t read it here, the theme of the function is to seat “have’s” with “have-nots” so that they can (hopefully) conduct some sort of meaningful discourse on the condition of the world. The “have-nots” eat free-of-charge while the “have’s” pay $100 for this privilege. And if everything goes as planned, an equal number from each group attend. Therein lies the problem. Continue Reading

imgresEver since a commenter wrote in about being a sugar daddy – and how rewarding it’s been for him – I’ve been curious about the venue. Not that I would ever go that route (way too cheap) but pursuant to the study, I signed up on one site (though I didn’t buy a membership and thus, can’t communicate with the girls) and have gotten a kick out of all the girls who email and/or favorite me assuming I might be a fish worthy of hooking. Continue Reading

UnknownWhen I think about it, I don’t really consider myself to be an author…or a journalist…or a reporter…or a writer for that matter. But once upon a time there was one gig I scored freelancing as an investigative reporter.” And here’s how that happened:

Exactly how I can’t remember…but at one point during my Action Mag employment, I met a sketchy National Enquirer editor/tell-all biographer to the stars. We exchanged cards and one day, the dude called to say he had it on good authority that a certain tranny advertising in Screw was the she male who’d “seen” Marv Albert. And he wanted me to go get the story! Hmm! How would I do that – knowing this girl had successfully avoided the press for a couple of months already. Continue Reading

antm-1280X1024You’d never know it looking at me now…but I was a cute little boy (I’ve seen pictures)….a reality which many years ago launched me on a modeling career which lasted all of one day!

After Pop took off with his 18 year old stripper, mom went to work and by the time I was in the 4th grade, had landed a job at some shitty little advertising agency or other writing copy. One day, the agency needed a cheap boy model to don a client’s line of hats on the RICHARD WILLIS SHOW. And I got the nod. Continue Reading

thanksgiving-turkey-illustration-made-up-words-often-associated-holiday-34042495I have to admit that I wasn’t especially looking forward to Thanksgiving week this year. Looming on my calendar were two dates I could definitely do without.

The first was Monday, tooth extraction day. Over 5 years ago, my dentist told me I needed to visit an oral surgeon to have a problematic wisdom tooth pulled. It was causing gum pain he assured me would recur if I didn’t take care of the problem. And so, responsible individual that I am, Monday was the day I took care of the situation…a mere 5 years and 3 months later! Continue Reading

vera-007-210x370My seventh grade Spanish class was as unmemorable as a junior high school course could be except for one distinguishing characteristic: MISS BORDEN, the twenty-something double-d chested beauty who taught it. All any of the pubescent boys could talk about was Miss Borden and her huge chest! No doubt, we’d have given up at least one testicle for a quick feel!

Enter ALEXANDRIA VERA, a 24 year-old eighth grade middle school teacher who is (or was) doubtless the apple of all the teenage boys’ eyes just as Miss Borden was for me and my boys 50 years ago. But she wasn’t quite like Miss Borden in that she didn’t bed any of her students. Alexandria fell for a goateed 13 year old boy who impregnated the teacher and brought her home to parents who allegedly (according to Ms. Vera) were accepting of the relationship and the pregnancy. All of this could go on an MTV show – were it not for the ages of the father-to-be and his girlfriend. Alexandria is now out on bail and facing up to 30 years in prison for her indiscretion.  Continue Reading

viagra-pillsIt’s a peculiar thing. When your sex partner actually has feelings for you, the last thing she wants to hear is that you’re taking Viagra…and that it’s chemicals as much or more than her seductive and oh so irresistible personality that’s getting the job done.

Take my last FWB just for example. On more than one occasion, she stopped right in the middle of the action to ask “You don’t take Viagra do you? I’ll be very upset if I find out.”  Continue Reading

maxresdefaultIt is now 8:30 PM Sunday and I just cut what must be my 153rd smelly fart of the day. Such is life in the fast lane a la Dollar Bill.

Let me give you an idea how I roll on a typical Sunday. With a plethora of snoozing, napping and whatever after finishing up volunteering late Saturday afternoon, I was up at 6 AM this morning to ease back in my fluffy futon chair with my latest BILL BRYON masterpiece IN A SUNBURNED COUNTRY.  Continue Reading

girls_gossipingMany years ago while sitting on a couch taking ad orders for three mature Brazilian girls, one looked at the television to claim that the man on the screen was her “regular.” That regular was ELIOT SPITZER, who was at the time campaigning for the Governorship of New York!

Now I’m sure I’ve told this story before. So why would I repeat it today? Because I spoke to that very same claimant just yesterday and guess what she told me! Ready? Back in the ’90’s when she was younger and more attractive, the woman worked for a $1000/hour agency with a certain billionaire’s wife, with whom she was very friendly. This juicy tidbit was conveyed to me with the same nonchalance as her previous claim about a man who turned out to be Governor of New York – and a prolific patronizer of at least one escort agency. For emphasis, she added that if I didn’t believe her, I could ask an owner in the Brazilian community who herself was “working” back then. Continue Reading

stat-treeIf you want to experience autumn in New York, it’s probably better that you travel to the city’s outer edges for the thrill. And pursuant to that idea, I embarked on my last Staten Island voyage of the season this week.You might not know it but Staten has some pretty spots though admittedly, you have to go looking to find them. Following is photographic evidence of that fact.  Continue Reading

725_ly9jb2ludgvszwdyyxbolmnvbs9zdg9yywdll3vwbg9hzhmvdmlldy9jodmwmtrjzwu5ymywnji0ntgzzjzkmda2ndq5mwyzyi5qcgcIf there’s any entity which has been under harassment by the authorities more than BACKPAGE.COM, I’d be hard-put to name one. Yet the online adult directory lives yet another day with Sacramento Superior Court Judge Michael Bowman temporarily dismissing pimping charges against CARL FERRER, Backpge’s CEO pending further research. His final decision will come on December 9th but already, the adult directory community is in celebration. Continue Reading

friedrich-drumpfContrary to what some of DONALD TRUMP’S detractors believe, the president elect did not spontaneously generate from a pile of dog shit on the street. Like us, he had parents and grandparents and so on. And it turns out that the Donald’s legacy of hotel-owning and building began with his grandfather FREDRICH TRUMPF, who emigrated to the USA when he was 16 years of age to seek his fortune rather than attend barber school back home in Germany (which is where his mother was going to send him).

Once in the States, Freddie found his way out west to shrewdly profit from the gold rush in the Yukon where rather than actually dig for gold, he found his personal pot of same by setting up a hotel which (drum roll) housed women of a certain occupation! It’s difficult to say whether he simply charged them rent or actually took a cut of their business, as the literature doesn’t indicate which or both. But the facts are that Grandpa Freddie built a 600k stash (that was a lot of money back in the 19th century) to some measure on the backs of sporting ladies. Once the local authorities decided to crack down on vice, Freddie took his gelt back to Germany where he wanted to remain…but was thrown out of his native land because he’d neglected to fulfill his military requirement. Had Germany not rejected his residence, we just might not have the Donald to deal with now!  Continue Reading

buyoutOn several occasions in the past, I’ve snapped on the euphemistic language employed by escorts and their customers.  Terms like client, provider, hobbying, monger and companion just seem too ridiculous – at least to me. Anyway…I thought I’d heard them all until late last night when an old friend I hadn’t spoken with for almost a year called out of the blue to ask me if I know any Chinese girls who might want to see a client.

Well first of all…that’s not my business (making introductions whether for profit or simply to do a favor). And second, if she’d ever listened to me, the girl would know I don’t know any Chinese girls – only Korean. But her deafness isn’t today’s fodder. Rather, it’s a euphemism she used once we got into the ol’ “how ya doin'” part of the conversation that gave me something to write about today. Continue Reading

one_linerawardAs I’ve noted before, the escort rank and file is not a good source for wisdom, philosophy, humor or timeless one-liners. Escorts don’t contemplate their station in the universe or time continuum. They’re mostly hedonists who live in the present. Despite, there have been isolated moments of clarity expressed by one person or another from the community I’d like to share today.

Actually, the first came not from an escort…but from a distributor of pornography who had a warehouse out in Corona. The outfit specialized in S & M and tranny flicks…and the boss had called into Adam As Eve magazine (a tranny contact tabloid) to purchase an ad hoping he might score some mail orders for his movies from the tranny-chasers who bought that magazine. And I as one of the ad reps, was dispatched to sell the ad. Continue Reading

jessica_valenti-620x412In my never ending quest to understand women, I have read yet another “chick book” titled SEX OBJECT, in which avowed feminist JESSICA VALENTI describes the lifelong indignities to which she’s been subjected owing to being an attractive female. I highly recommend this book as required reading for any guy interested in being viewed as at least somewhat enlightened by the women he meets. Continue Reading

vanessaBelieve it or not, our very own Dollar Bill once had a chance to fornicate with the amazing Vanessa Del Rio – for free. So what happened? He didn’t! What a loser! Here’s his anemic explanation as to why!

The world at large knows VANESSA DEL RIO as the porno industry’s premier triple penetration pioneer. Yup! A big sexy latin mama who could handle a trio of salamis if the price was right. But I know her as something very different – and the story goes like this:

Once upon a time I was a musician/songwriter/arranger/producer. Now this sounds like total bullshit. Everybody in The East Village deludes themselves into thinking they’re “artists.” Regardless, I was signed by an old geezer named John Hammond who owned a CBS subsidiary label called Zoo York. The first record went to #65 on the Billboard dance charts but by the time the second recording was completed, CBS had decided to cut costs – and Hammond’s distribution deal. And so…as a gesture of good faith (rather than giving me the money they owed me on the first record), the company handed me my tapes and wished me good luck finding another label. This shit happens all the time in the music business – which is one of many reasons I’m not in it anymore. Continue Reading

urlThe post-mortems and analyses are many. The pundits have seemingly overturned every stone to inform the public. But there are a few observations I haven’t heard anybody make. So here they are…my two cents on the past election.

First, California and New York should form their own country. Clearly, we’re at once more informed and at odds with most of the rest of the nation. The plurality in the voting proves it. We need to secede! Continue Reading

sheratonkona-poolIt shouldn’t come as a big surprise that Hawaii has a thriving escort scene just as vital as anywhere else on the planet. But we in New York were not aware of the bounty the 50th state holds until just recently when a certain establishment began featuring girls from the ALOHA STATE.

Exactly how this happened is hardly a convoluted and mysterious tale. The owner has a friend who went to Hawaii for a change of pace. She told her colleagues tales of the Big City and before you knew it, her friends decided to go on a little adventure – to New York. And that in 25 words or less is how it happened. But these are A-list type girls who make the big bucks down in paradise. Why would they even bother to take the long plane flight if they’re already cashing in in the sun? Continue Reading

300-brokaw-tom-062208The day has finally arrived. After all the posturing, insults and meaningless mean-spirited debating, it’s time for Americans to vote for the next president. I think I’m gonna write in TOM BROKAW or BOB SHIEFFER. Could there be two more dignified, informed experienced, and deserving people?

Unfortunately, we don’t get them as a choice. Instead, we’re offered a shady, shrill wife of a former president who couldn’t keep it in his pants…and a guy who might be the loudest, rudest and most ignorant clown who’s ever run for the office in the entire history of the country. Talk about a raw deal!  Continue Reading

03377-durationThe product was just approved by the FDA this past September. And yesterday, I coincidentally saw an ad for the first time on NYC Marathon Day. It’s called KY DURATION SPRAY, and as you might have already guessed, it’s designed to make your junk last like a porn champion’s. Is this a revolutionary development rivaling VIAGRA? Hardly!

I recall many years ago picking up a young black guy in my cab at 3 AM on a Tuesday night (Wednesday morning if you want to get technical). He asked to go to Flushing…make a quick stop…and then end his voyage in Jamaica. I was suspicious and unabashedly asked about his unique itinerary. Answer: Jamaica was where two girls were waiting to have sex with him. And Flushing was where his STALLION SPRAY was sitting in his dresser drawer. Continue Reading

maren-morrisLast Wednesday night I was so busy watching the World Series I missed the Country Music Awards, a show I never miss because there are always 3 minutes which convince me that there’s a reason why country music has always been close to my heart. Even as a child when I had no concept of musical genres, I found that country songs which somehow crossed over and made it to New York Top 40 radio appealed to my uneducated ear.

So this year I was not surprised to find another pearl in the form of what I would have to call a sacrilegious gospel song…written and performed by the New Artist of the Year. In fact, it’s not a great song by songwriting standards. The lyrics aren’t that good…and there’s no bridge. But the hook is so infectious that the tune is worthy of posting. One round of the chorus and I totally got it and understand the composition’s popularity. Continue Reading

imagesExactly how do you define the word “prostitution?” By me, if you’re a stockbroker selling a client into a dog with fleas security for a commission, you’re more of a whore than a skank who sucks cocks in an alley. But that’s not the “real” definition. Prostitutes sell sex for money. And that’s against the law – at least here in the not-so-enlightened US of A.

So recently, a commenter revealed that he’s doing very well dating girls on one of the many sugar daddy sites that litter the Internet landscape. So I went on the site he referenced to see what all the hype was about. And basically, what I found was a division of women (assuming they’re real which after the Ashley Madison debacle is questionable) willing to enter FWB relationships with men for a fee. And I ask myself “how exactly is that not prostitution?” Continue Reading

a8dd08ec-f7c1-4f5b-a417-3b4cfdd73990Rough night in Dollar Billville. I either got a virus or food poisoned yesterday. Doesn’t matter. The end result is the same (barf-a-rama). And today I have to do mountains of paperwork – all with a temperature of 101. Sorry for no stories today. I’m sure you understand.

urlYou’ll notice that I’ve been running a lot of repeats lately. It’s not that I have nothing to write about. It’s that I have nothing to write about that won’t get me in trouble. That or I’ve written about what a dick DONALD TRUMP is ad nauseum and would only be repeating myself if I addressed his candidacy anymore.

Whatever…an experience I had yesterday came to my writing rescue as it turns out. I was down at the LOWER EAST SIDE HARM REDUCTION CENTER where I met a man named Reilly with whom I had a curious conversation. For those unaware (as was I), the LESHRC is a government-funded facility at which junkies (excuse me…drug addicts) can seek counseling and (drum roll) get free condoms (and works). The free condoms is what brings me there generally (though I applied to volunteer a while back and got no response from what I now assume is a less than efficient manager). Heroin has never been a problem for me. Continue Reading

go fly a kite copyOf all the hare-brained schemes gone awry from my youth, The Great Kite Flying Caper had to be one of the stupidest. From A to Z, this was a bad idea all the way down the line.

Along with the ham radio crap and all the 78’s my father left behind after my parents’ divorce, my old man had a canvas box kite stashed in the basement of my boyhood home. I should mention that back in those days, every kid flew a kite. The folks would buy virtually every young boy a stupid paper kite and then father and son would attach it to a spool of string and fly it maybe 100 feet in the air. Big fucking deal! So in keeping with being the coolest dad on the block, our father trumped everybody by whipping out the old box kite and really lettin’ the bad boy fly. Now that was flyin’ a kite! Continue Reading

creditcardsYesterday, a reader/commenter brought up a good point: Who in his right mind would tender a credit card as payment to an escort? Like…imagine the havoc a girl could wreak under that circumstance! Well…that’s not entirely true. It depends on to whom you give the number.

The fact is that middle-of-the-night outcalls are paid by credit card more often than they are in cash. Kind of the nature of the beast. Lots of guys don’t have the money on hand and would rather not venture out to a cash machine to get some. So they pay by card. Surprisingly and more often than not…this turns out to be a problem for the service sending the girl – and not the card owner. Continue Reading

imagesHere’s one from a few years ago I kind of like. It gives the reader a view behind the scenes. Something I use to specialize in.

We all know the routine. The picture on the web (or magazine) is incredible. So we call up…book an appointment…and run over full of anticipation. But when we get to the door, the pedigreed beauty of our dreams turns out to be a mutt with fleas! The girl has downloaded fake pix from the Internet and used them without the original owner’s permission just to hoodwink a schmuck like you (or me)! Continue Reading

st-_bartholomews_new_york-_interior_viewRough row on the learning curve front over the weekend. I decided to save north of $1000 by doing something for myself rather than pay someone to do it…and I kind of bit off more than I could chew. But not really. I’m pretty sure I got it done right. And if I didn’t, those in receivership will let me know free-of-charge! Which is a good thing as those in my employ are a little more expensive (ya know…like $500/hour more expensive)!

So anyway…while in the neighborhood on Friday, I stopped off at St. Bart’s to visit the pastor. Having volunteered there daily for a year or so, I’m well-acquainted with the entire building and know how to walk into the chapel and then navigate the catacombs to arrive directly at the office of “chiefy” (as I used to call him) without having to ask questions of two women who didn’t bother to stop me. Continue Reading

business-insider-7-reasons-why-america-should-legalize-prostitutionRecently, a reader sent me a link to an article about a sugar daddy/baby site which functions just like a dating site with the exception that the listed ladies (who get free memberships) are mostly college girls looking for sponsorship. While sex isn’t necessarily part of the deal, the fact remains that boys will be boys and the great majority of the time we can assume it’s implicit in the transaction in much the same way that law enforcement assumes the same for escort sites. And it made me think about the many definitions of prostitution – be it sexual or otherwise. But for the moment, I’ll concentrate on the former. Continue Reading

key-ratio-says-silver-prices-could-soarHer name was SILVER. I doubt that’s what it said on her birth certificate but you know how that goes. How many escorts do you know who use their real name? Her actual name was Anthony – and she was half Puerto Rican and half Jewish. Silver did this hilarious gravelly-voiced Maude kind of imitation of an old bitty complaining about the weather in Florida (“Mordy! Fetch me a sweater. I’m cold. It’s 82!”)

Silver was one of my first transsexual clients for Action Magazine. She lived in a hastily renovated loft on 17th Street between 6th and 7th Avenues…and had a little black and white television with only three channels. It was a GEORGE BURNS kind of deal. Channel 1 showed the door to the building. Channel 2 viewed the landing to her apartment. And Channel 3 came courtesy of a hidden camera in the room where all the fun happened! Continue Reading

1-trump-on-the-cover-of-gqThe hits keep coming for DONALD TRUMP. This time they’re courtesy of a photographer and male model who used to attend parties at the Plaza Hotel thrown by Trump when he owned the joint. According to an article from THE DAILY BEAST, the attendees at these gatherings were mature men of means and beautiful models at least some of whom were under the age of 18. While sources denied that Trump did cocaine at these fiestas, they report that the substance was in evidence and that Donald himself partook of the feminine pulchritude with more or less the same reckless abandon as the rest of the group. Continue Reading