Apartment-For-Rent-Sign1Scanning entries from many years back can be a fruitless task when I’m looking for something relevant for publication as most of the posts are either time-sensitive or too boring for repitition. But this one (which is a decade old) survives the test of time. So here goes with a slightly updated version of  “HOUSING THE GOILS.”

As a division of clients scan the free alternative weeklies, companionship tabloids, websites and whatever else for hot ladies who play for pay, few consider exactly how the objects of their lust arrange for the discreet housing they provide! After all, selling “companionship” is a questionable activity and you’d think that the business of obtaining apartments for the girls would be a complicated affair indeed! Continue Reading

CIXNl7jWcAAYsM0How many times have you heard somebody say “I could write a book!” But here’s the problem: Who’s gonna publish it? (I know…you can eBook publish it yourself but bear with me.) In the olden days (like when I was only 50), writers submitted their work to publications and hoped for the best. Maybe they’d get somebody to publish them and pay for the pice. And if they were really lucky…maybe they’d score a full-time job! And that’s about the way things worked. Continue Reading

guy-in-suit-with-a-mopAt this point in time, 42nd Street is about as sanitized and tourist-friendly as it could possibly be. And on balance, that’s a good thing. But 30 years ago “the deuce” was a totally different scene. No chain restaurants. No Madame Tussaud’s. Just porn stores, porn theaters, live sex shows and conglomerate emporiums with all of the previously mentioned. And right at the center of it all was the mop man.

The mop man was the guy who cleaned up the mess. Men from all walks of life would cum…and they would go. And he’d be the guy to keep it copasetic! It didn’t matter whether it was a video booth, a one on one booth (with a window in between) a live sex show, or a squeeze-through window. The happy ending was always the same. And the mop man stood at the ready to clean it all up. Continue Reading

dollWe’ve all heard the line in those old 40’s movies: “She’s a real doll!” And we know when we hear it that the woman referenced rivals Marilyn Monroe in the eye candy realm. But nowadays, the statement takes on a whole new meaning. When somebody says “She’s a real doll” today, he’s describing exactly that…an incredibly lifelike silicone model of a gorgeous woman the exact size and shape of your personal iconic ideal, molded to your specifications with silicone…and ready to mount whenever the mood strikes.

How often have we fantasized about having a girlfriend with a face like Jessica Alba…and a body like J-lo? She doesn’t talk back…ask for anything…and wants to have sex whenever you ask. Fat chance of that! Continue Reading

NFL Annual Owner's Meeting 2015Basically, regardless of how you promote it, the Superbowl is just another football game. But it’s the pageantry which surrounds it that makes the presentation such a big deal. Especially the big half time show…which is the genius part as it attracts everybody (and not just football fans) to the show.

So I just finished a book all about the history of Native American submission. And when Bruno Mars met up with Beyonce during the halftime extravaganza…and the drums began pounding…and the scantily clad bodies gyrating…I couldn’t help but think “I bet American Indians from 150 years ago would have loved that show! That’s exactly the way they partied!” And moreover…that we just like those original Americans…are no less tribal than they were. I mean…what is all this football fanaticism about your city or college’s team? It’s tribalism – just modern style.  Continue Reading

On the oldie but goody trail, I offer a travel piece written almost 20 years ago. It never made it to print but still, I find it worthy. In fact, of all the printed-out crap that lies in a pile within my cramped studio apartment, this might be the best in the dung heap.

Frequent flyer miles? Business class super service? Supersonic jets? They’re all excellent catch phrases for an industry which aims to attract the traveler in the fast lane. Clearly, for the businessman who needs to be at a distant boardroom – or the vacationer who wants to maximize his enjoyment of those precious two weeks the corporation gives him, flying to one’s destination is the quickest and most preferred method. Continue Reading

A14508x1A_240ucr_Simp_LOGOI know I snap on the girls (probably) too often for their slacker ways but I discovered a scheme one of the rare ingenious ladies dreamed up which really impressed me.

This girl is the true road warrior. She’ll pick up her laptop and work anywhere – in any hotel – up and down the Eastern Seaboard at a moment’s notice. One week she’ll be in New York…and the next? Philadelphia…or Washington….or Orlando…or Long Island…or New Jersey. And she does this alone with no partner in crime – which is another story altogether. Continue Reading

160203_gma_gutman3_0742_16x9t_384No, this isn’t a story about some escort service owner who fucked me years ago and came back to assert that we start anew after all the time has passed – effectively eliminating her debt to me with the excuse that enough time has passed for her not to have to pay what she owes. Nor is it about the cit employee who once upon a time made reference to “the statue of libertations” (I’m not kidding about that). This is about an expiring lottery ticket which today at 5 PM, will no longer be redeemable for the 63 million dollars it’s worth! Continue Reading

240_F_73962448_f0ODOYsdK0c4ui2Jw8Kd4JAPzdRxds58I know what you’re thinking. The “j-pop” is a typo. But it’s not. Check it out. As you might remember, I wrote an entry a few months back about my k-pop dentist, a young, good-looking Korean doctor who became my new practitioner. Well, as it turns out, she didn’t do such a great job. I actually had to return to have the good doctor repair the work she’d done to get it right.

So yesterday, after flossing out a different filling, I returned to the office and got another dentist (there are a few) and guess what. Doctor K (as she call herself rather than her long and difficult to pronounce real last name) is yet another extremely attractive Asian woman! I know! Where does this office find these hot dentists? Continue Reading

000_2105Everybody who owns a computer knows what I’m talking about when I say that yesterday I was in tech hell. Really, it could have been a lot worse. It wasn’t like my unit died and I didn’t have it backed up. Rather, the conspiratorial planned obsolescense that afflicts everybody with an aging operating system bit me in the ass.

Without describing in boring detail exactly what happened, I’ll skip to the silver lining. When it was all over, the problem was fixed and in the process, I recovered thousands of images that had been lurking in my iPhoto files, many of which brought back some memories.

Once upon a time, there was a Korean owner with a place on 54th Street who had some really cute girls, all of whom I photographed for posterity (or their ads). And among the plethora of pictures I found, lay those girls. I can’t remember their names but I’m sure you’ll all agree that these mostly unphotoshopped images shot in analog (by me) speak volumes. Where they came from and where they are now is anybody’s guess. But thanks to the silver lining, they are serendipitously available for your edification. There’s a guy named Rocco who might know something about these women. Maybe he’ll surface in the comment section to clarify. Continue Reading

imagesLong ago and far away, America’s traditional husband and wife sex paradigm dictated that lovemaking took place in pitch darkness. The act was really more for procreation than fun and was better left unviewed as nobody could possibly look attractive in the throes of passion. But that’s not the way it works nowadays – especially in my and the people who read this blog’s world.

This not-so-profound thought entered my mind yesterday while watching some stupid movie (might have been Reality Bites) in which a 20-something hipster woman posed the question to her male buddy “How come guys like to watch when I’m blowing them?” And it didn’t necessarily make me want to seek the answer to the question…but it did cause me to consider that it’s not just guys who like to watch themselves having sex. It’s women as well! Continue Reading

BoredBusinessManA long time ago, I wrote a piece for Action magazine titled “The Do’s and Don’ts of Incall Etiquette.” In it I covered the usual crap (shower, shave and be nice) and added that even if you hate women deep down inside, a guy can still elicit the girl’s best by  feigning a healthy love for all members of the opposite sex. After all, he only need keep the show up for 60 minutes…and in so doing, will have a much better time with his chosen mate.

I relate this today because last night I was on the phone with an old girlfriend and while listening to her usual banal conversation, wondered why this girl can’t pretend to be interesting for 60 minutes. She knows exactly what I hate in her (or she should) and could herself elicit what she wanted from me by simply presenting herself in such a way as to not kill my hard-on with all her boring, gossipy, drama-ridden bull shit. Continue Reading

jazmines212-371-0623Good day for a repeat…this one about the futility of trying to change someone. Never a good idea!

Often when I run up on cute girls in the escort business who I think should have a decent life (at least financially) but don’t even though they’re plenty hot enough to earn a handsome living, I try to advise them on how to handle their affairs and maintain some dignity while doing what they’re doing. Like with my taxi newspaper employer many years ago, I take them on as projects. I know how to manage my shit – and I don’t see why somebody else who really does earn enough to live well can’t do the same thing. Yeah, right! Good luck with that one! Continue Reading

bde1728a8c95b7ea33755e850170bb16I’m sure at some point in the past I’ve revealed that you never know who you’re gonna meet while volunteering. And though that’s true, I have to admit that lately, I haven’t met anybody interesting on the go-gooder trail besides that Bronx DA.

Anyway…a few months ago, there was a “bean girl” on the food prep line at the University Soup Kitchen who was a tall, lanky, quirky and interesting sort of individual. Like just for example…she shot a video of herself pouring baked beans on top of the meat loaf…put it in slow mo…and then posted it on her Instagram page. And I gotta tell y’all…the video (in slo mo and all) had surprisingly oozy and erotic overtones. And I wasn’t the only one who saw it that way. ( I had the boss check it out at the time mentioning he should put the vid on their website.) Continue Reading

hugh-hefner-playboyWhen it comes to modern times’ greatest womanizers, HUGH HEFNER has to rate toward the top of most people’s list. PLAYBOY MAG was an institution in its day…and the owner took full advantage of his powerful position when it came to bedding the babes of his choice.

But what kind of guy was Hef, really? Was he the benevolent father figure Hef would like you to think he was…or just a schmuck with a hard-on? HOLLY MADISON, his main girlfriend for 7 years, would lead you to think he was the latter and more according to her tell-all tome DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE, which as you can probably guess by now, I read in its entirety yesterday. Continue Reading

louis-jordan-stage-shot-ss-1-sh20If there’s one taboo that stands out among all the rest in the escort industry, it’s the underage issue. Via trafficking, pimping or just sloppy ownership not “vetting” their employees, girls below the age of consent sneak into the rank and file. And it doesn’t matter whether they’re 36-24-36 with several partners under their belt. The long arm of the law frowns upon the offense.

Having sex with and/or employing underage girls is nothing new. Escort business or otherwise. Ask Loretta Lynn, who married and bore children all while underage. Or Chuck Berry, who served time for sexing up an underage groupie after driving her across a state line. Or Jerry Lee Lewis who married his 13 year old cousin. They’ll tell you all about it. Continue Reading

article-0-0B0C100A000005DC-240_468x454It should come as no surprise that many of the American girls in the escort business have the kind of social life that guys like us can only dream of.  For starters, think of all the variety! And then consider that many escorts like members of both genders effectively doubling their opportunity! Ask yourself what happens when the girls go out clubbing. How many individuals bust a move on them? And then there’s the intramural on-the-job activity the girls have when it’s slow! It just never ends!

A while back a manager I know called me up to say she’d just seen some selfies the girls had taken from the night before. Essentially, a group of 4 or 5 were in a carnal pile satisfying  each other all while mugging for the camera. Nice! Continue Reading

knicksAny New Yorker interested in seeing the local sports franchises live knows how expensive it gets to score premium and up-close seats to any of the games. It’s downright ridiculous. Wanna see the Knicks from courtside? Try $4000 bucks! Ouch!

So anyway…as I was checking out prices for the nosebleeds in Madison Square Garden (like 80 bucks for the worst seats in the house), I thought back to one occasion when I got to profit from the absurd prices New York sporting events command. And here’s how the story goes:

About 10 years ago, I got a call from a girl I know who said she’d just exchanged an hour session for two tickets to the US Open tennis semi-finals in Flushing. And these weren’t just any tickets. They were courtside corporate joints some employee was stupid enough to tender for what I knew to be the most perfunctory of escort performances. Continue Reading

impressive-bedrooms-with-brick-walls-15Guys! Would you rather have a girl with a phat booty or a big chest? Girls: A handsome broke guy or a not-so-good-looking man with a big wallet? And how about heredity versus environment? Are people fucked up because of their genes or how and where they grew up? These are all questions for the ages.

So I was over at TWINKLE the other day and upon entering was immediately sequestered in one of the rooms because a guy was leaving. For just a minute or two I sat on the bed and with nothing else to do, took in the environment. Really nice! A Victorian chair in the corner…soft music playing from the radio…ambient soft lighting…lotions galore on the night stand…and shellacked exposed brick on the western wall. And all I could think was “Wow! This is the perfect setting.” Continue Reading

582519_171270336389692_814267666_nAt age 65, there are certain modern technologies I don’t embrace. Just for example, Twitter escapes me. I know I should utilize everything at my disposal to bring traffic to this blog but I don’t. Either I just don’t “get” shit or I know that the attention it garners won’t do anything for the advertisers on the sidebar – which let’s face it – is half the battle. It’s one of the reasons I don’t buy traffic. My Alexa ranking is of much less importance than the number of guys who actually call the advertisers. Still there are certain new wave developments I do embrace. And You Tube is clearly one of them.

What a fabulous concept. Anybody can start his or her own channel and go viral if they have something of value to offer. One genre in this new wave involves musicians playing along with their favorite songs on tape. I know it sounds retarded but actually, the new medium is kind of cool – especially when there’s a cute girl defying tradition while she’s doing it. Continue Reading

The other day I was reading an old news report which referred to the owner of an escort agency as a pimp. Now according to Webster, the shoe fits. A pimp is a man who is an agent for a prostitute or prostitutes and lives off their earnings. And if this owner’s subcontractors actually did have sex in exchange for money, the definition applies. But that’s an ivory tower point of view which doesn’t really play in the real world. Allow me to explain.

A pimp is a man or woman (why Webster cites only one gender speaks a lot in and of itself) who houses, feeds, controls and sometimes physically beats his or her girls. He or she takes care of all their needs in exchange for hijacking all the money they earn. That’s a pimp! Often, the pimp will wear outrageously flashy clothing and ride around in a $100,000 car to project his or her image…though not always. A pimp can look raggedy and ride around on a bike. Just so he or she takes all the girls’ earnings…that’s a pimp. Continue Reading

Not only are all vaginas and penises not the same…but all lubes and rubbers differ as well. This I have come to appreciate (or fallen prey to) in the modern era.

Back in my “free love” youth, neither condoms nor lube were the order of the day. Birth control pills had just been developed and virtually every college girl was on them. As far as diseases went…yeah, you could catch something but if you did…it wouldn’t kill you. And thus almost nobody used a rubber. And as for lube? Never even heard of it!

Obviously, that has all changed. Unless a couple is married or in a committed relationship, out comes the wrapper at the crucial moment. And that wrapper is not only no longer the “one size fits all” raincoat of yesteryear…but it is often bathed in some chemical or other which may or may not agree with your constitution.  Continue Reading

7327306A long time ago, I had an Action outcall client who sent me an escort to review for the magazine. The dispatched girl decided to go out on her own a month or so later, and called me to run her first ad in my boss’s publication. From there we became longtime friends.

The woman was as hot a mess as ever there was. Maria (fake name) was the poster girl for dysfunction – and how heredity and environment can sound the death knell for a person’s adult life. She had it all: Bad genes (criminal and slow mind) and an early upbringing which included muling for her drug-dealing uncle at age 6, and getting sexually abused by a neighbor at more or less the same age. Additionally, Maria watched a mugger blow her drug-dealing boyfriend’s brains out when she was in her 20’s. His grey matter (what there was of it) splattered all over Maria’s new dress! She used to tell me all this shit with the preface “Billy! I gotta ask you something ’cause you’re the only person I know with any sense.” Continue Reading

6a00d83451f25369e20120a854a3f5970b-800wiAnd big fucking brass balls at that! Let me explain. My e-mail box is beginning to remind me of Facebook in that all kinds of lowlives from my past contact me like I’d ever want to hear from them again. And last night at 3 AM, sure enough, I got a message from good old Charlie Chump.

Charlie Chump is a fucking legend out in Brooklyn, a place I used to hate to sell ads because all the owners were such fucking thugs. And I don’t mean black thugs…I mean Italian thugs. Charlie was one of them, and as he was an Action advertiser (and I an employee at the magazine), I had no choice but to get on the L train and go to some God-forsaken neighborhood on the border of Brooklyn and Queens to visit the office. Continue Reading

booth17n-1-webLet’s face it. That old iconic corner phone booth is a thing of the past now that virtually everybody from the richest to the poorest owns a cell phone. So what do you do with that tiny piece of real estate which now lies fallow on the urban landscape? Well, one dumbass entrepreneur whose name isn’t worth mentioning is trying to turn it into a jerk-off booth for men, the reasoning being that 39% of males have masturbated in the workplace and that having a convenient street spot to drop a load is a worthy antidote to modern-day stress.  Continue Reading

Bronx DAThe University Soup Kitchen is in its own way the great equalizer. “Check your ego at the door, y’all! All volunteers will perform menial tasks with absolutely no consideration as to what you do in the real world.” And so…a corporate titan might don a disposable plastic apron and hairnet to wait on the homeless. You don’t know what the volunteers do for a living unless you ask – which mostly I don’t.

As is usually the case, I was the food prep boss yesterday. It’s probably the most important job in the joint and because I’ve done it so many times I get the nod. My crew of six were with one exception (a dude) attractive 20- something women. And when I say attractive, I don’t mean 36 double d-s and J-lo booties. I mean freshly-scrubbed smiling faces on girls who would never do you-know-what for a living. Continue Reading

MILF copyHas anyone ever noticed that many of the foreign-born escorts in New York are of the mature variety? And that if you want a girl in her twenties or teens you have to go American? Ever wonder why that is? There’s actually an explanation for this phenomenon. And it lies with the tastes of our men – versus the tastes of foreign men. It goes like this:

Many cultures outside the USA are even more youth-oriented than ours. Once a girl hits the age of say…25, she’s already used/damaged goods and considered over-the-hill for this business. Guys with currency of the realm are not interested in buying their services. So what’s a girl to do? Answer: Go to a country where men aren’t so hung up on youth. And that country is AMERICA! A while back I broached this subject with a forty-something client from Brazil who explained to me that 16 year-old girls litter the nude beaches in Rio. They’re all over the place vogueing, preening and selling. And that’s what Brazilian men want. Once a girl is 21, she’s already too old. Hence, the mature girls come to New York to earn dollars, which they send back to Brazil where they’re valuable. Many end up building houses and/or buying buildings in Brazil with the money they make here. And this is why we have “The Million Brazilian Cotillion” in New York. Continue Reading

It’s late and who wants to leave the house or wait for a girl to arrive when video chat with this and many other girls is just a few seconds away? Check it out! And every time you hit the refresh button, you’ll see a different girl. Or click the girl’s pic and the sound comes on.


 

tumblr_mkejpoT2lS1s9h5dko1_1280Every so often I convince one of my clients to pay a bill before the crack of say…2 PM. And what I often get when I arrive is a voyeuristic look at the girls sans make-up, eye glitter, eyelashes etc. Trust me…they don’t look quite as fetching au natural as they do in their war paint.

So last week, I had one of those experiences at a swanky Korean joint – except – one of the girls walked right into the main off-limits-to customers area (where I was convening with the manager) bleary-eyed and buck naked. I saw the girl coming down the hall and because she’s Korean, just knew that as soon as she realized Billy-ah was there, she would jump back all embarrassed and mortified about her nudity! And of course, that’s exactly what happened. Continue Reading

checkerskylineA tale of tribulation from days of yore when I drove a taxi…and King Tut’s Wha Wha Hut was the happening East Village bar. File this one under karma’s a bitch!

His name was Stinkbomb Stan – or at least that’s what I called him. And there was a good reason. Stan was the bouncer at an East Village bar where I used to “socialize” 20 or 25 years ago. He was also a steady 4 AM fare to Brooklyn on nights that I drove a taxi. Stan wasn’t that great of a guy – nor was his ride a particularly good one. He went deep into Bed Stuy through 100 traffic lights and only tipped a buck. Still, driving him home was good neighborhood politics and at least a guaranteed fare at a time of night a cabby could really have difficulty finding anybody who sought his services. Continue Reading

s_53ffccf9fe9a2b7edb101e2fIt happened again a few nights ago. It’s been a while…but I received an offer I can refuse. After visiting who I would most accurately term an FWB (friend with benefits), I passed out after the fun for a couple of hours while she did whatever she does in the comfort of her apartment (mostly chain smoke). At some time before dawn, I was awakened by “Bill, you have to get up!”

Now I’m a pretty light sleeper and you don’t have to shake and yell at me to get a rise out of old Bildo. So I was alert within seconds and pulling my shit together. I mean…I’d have rather slept a little longer. But I was prepared to hop on the iron steed and repair to my own crib with nary a whimper when she hit me with the offer: “You can crash in the bed” (in the other room) “but I have to work.” Continue Reading

Seattle-Skyline copyOnce again trafficking of Korean girls is in the news. This time the setting is Seattle. And the particulars are familiar…so familiar that I’m not going to repeat myself having already expounded ad nauseum on several occasions in similar circumstances. But I will say this for everybody who reads this blog: Pay attention to who got arrested!

While twelve places were shut down…only 13 people were carted off. And most of those were members of something called “The League.” The League was a bunch of professionals who’d get together over a meal to talk smack about the girls. Ya know – CEO types who essentially, paid to see girls…posted ads…wrote reviews and skewed the marketplace for their own advantage. Ring a bell? Continue Reading

kbjI’m not kidding about this. South Korea is easily as wild and free as the good old US of A. Maybe even more so. You think we’re modern Internet junkies? South Korea has the most high speed Internet connections per capita of any country in the world! And they also have strange game shows. Back before streaming, the Korean girls used to rent Korean game show tapes many of which featured bizarre contests complete with vats of jello falling on the participants’ heads.

Well…I thought I’d seen most of what Korea had to offer in the genre until a reader sent me a link to the following video. Girls competing for who gives the best oral? Crazy! Gotta love the one girl who pretends to brush her teeth with the phallically-shaped object. And really…none looks like she’d make the grade in a you-know-what. Still…the video is worth posting just for the fun of it. The girls are too cute. Check it out! Continue Reading

th_005160081_courtney_011_123_418loSeveral years ago, I had a she male client who ran ads everywhere and made a fortune. In fact, the girl made so much money that one day while I was admiring her brand new Trek mountain bike she said “Take It. it’s yours. I don’t ride it anyway.”

After a few years of running ads every week, Mercedes suddenly disappeared. Not exactly out of the ordinary for trannies because they always seemed to be traveling to exotic places like South Beach on a moment’s notice. Just as precipitously as she’d vanished, Mercedes reappeared one day to resume advertising. But this time there was a change! “Billy! I got my SRS surgery. I have a pussy now! Run my ads in the female section!”…she broke the news.

Now this wasn’t the first time I’d received a breaking news flash of this order. And being friendly with “the girls” and thus enlightened much more so than say…your average Wall Streeter, I asked the relevant question that all people familiar with the risks of SRS surgery query (couldn’t resist): “So how does it feel? Have you tried out the new unit yet?” (Too often, SRS surgery cuts nerve endings and the girls end up feeling very little during sex.) Her answer was one for the ages: “It’s great…but I haven’t fucked anybody with a big dick yet! I don’t know how that’s going to be!” Continue Reading

2012-10-05 16.34.37I received a call this morning from a woman who was literally beside herself with stress after traveling from the Upper East Side in the 70’s to Midtown in the 40’s – and back – as part of doing an outcall. Now this seems like a nothing commute. So why all the drama? Well first off, the woman is a drama queen. But that’s not the whole story.

Wishing to arrive on time (which this girl never does), she hailed a yellow outside her door and within just a few blocks found herself in a traffic gridlock. Forty five minutes and twenty bucks later she arrived to the call frazzled beyond description no doubt from being very late…and twenty bucks poorer. The date went alright (I assume) because the guy (after hearing her story) called Uber (which she called “Hoover.” Too funny! You’re the Hoover…not the for-hire vehicle or the driver) so she could go back home free-of-charge and in style. Guess again! Continue Reading

Sa-potpourriWARNING: There’s nothing in here that anybody would give a fuck about. If you think the entry about AMC theaters was lame…wait till ya get a load of this one! For more relevant stuff, move down to the next. I posted twice today!

Whew! Finally found a solution for a problem that was spinning out of control. In case you haven’t noticed, I accidentally deleted the 100 most recent comments a few days back. There’s a reason for that. I’ve always had a problem with spam comments – but nothing like what has developed in the past few weeks. It was ridiculous. Every time I checked the comment section, there were 100 comments to sift through – most of which were garbage. It was getting downright time-consuming! Anyway, in the process of purging the system, I hit the wrong button…and then did it again…and poof! One hundred comments flushed. Continue Reading

maxresdefault…but it wasn’t about me and an escort finding true love in the most unlikely of places. Allow me.

Many years ago when I was an Action Magazine road runner, frequent subway and/or bike rides to Queens were virtually a daily chore. So one day I got a call to go out to a prospective customer who was doing business at the 45th Road/Courthouse Square stop on the #7. Easy enough. Continue Reading

urlI have a confession to make: While I am a pretty big film buff, going to movie theaters to take in a show isn’t something I do on a regular basis. In fact, it’s something I almost never do! To the best of my recollection, the last time I went to a theater was around the turn of the century when I needed to see LIVE NUDE GIRLS to review it for SCREW Mag (a paid gig). The time before that (I believe) dated back to TITANIC, which I saw while vacationing with my family. So that gives you a pretty good idea. Continue Reading

Ms.-Know-it-AllI’ve always been fascinated by the presumption of people who’ve studied a subject…preaching to people who have actually lived the reality. Like just for example, at a big Thanksgiving Dinner hosted by St. Bart’s and the Waldorf, I somehow got into a discussion about Vietnam with some geezer and his wife, almost lecturing them on what the war was really about. After maybe three minutes of listening to my posturing ass, the man revealed that he was a first lieutenant in the army…and stationed in Saigon during the war. Somewhat embarrassed, I stopped and deferred to his expertise. Fortunately, he agreed with most of what I said and observed that just by dumb luck (and a little reading), I had captured the essence of the situation. Continue Reading

llisonYesterday, I received a “Happy New Year” email from an old friend whose true agenda was to let me know that the long-awaited book containing her life story has recently been published. I would be happy for her but really…there’s nothing to be happy about. Read on for the sorry details about how an established author managed to take advantage of an escort/madam in a new and inventive way – while in of all manners – writing a book titled “GETTING SCREWED,” an expose on how society steamrolls escorts. Talk about a sad irony!

Many years ago (or at least a few), I received an email from a book agent who wanted to let me know that he thought I was a talented writer. (I know…that and a buck will buy me a bag of Utz potato chips.) Seizing the moment, I peppered him with proposed book projects all of which he rejected until finally, a suggestion that I ghostwrite a biography for one of my customers titled “The Only Life I Know,” piqued his interest. The theme though fairly obvious, bears elucidation: Come hell, high water or prison term, the wheel always spins back to the same place for the bio’s central figure. It’s the only life she knows. Continue Reading

wilsonAfter a post from a few days ago about chicks who rock, a reader reminded me of NANCY WILSON, a woman I’d forgotten about who first rocked on guitar many years ago. I’m a pretty big HEART fan…so I logged on to You Tube to find a 2002 Heart concert I particularly like, and saw something that spurred a memory.

Back in 1980, I was a sort-of staff songwriter at Chappell Music. I say “sort-of” because I didn’t receive weekly advances against royalties (which is how staff songwriting generally works)…but I did get frequent use (along with maybe three other guys) of their on-premise 16 track studio in exchange for the publishing rights on the songs I recorded. And they even paid the musicians a couple of times. Continue Reading

cleanthonyIs the entire roster of the NEW YORK KNICKS just plain stupid? Or is it just the two guys who’ve been caught up in nightlife heists in the past week? I mean…what the fuck is wrong with these guys?

In case you missed it, just a week after his teammate brought home two strangers who robbed him for $600,000 in jewelry, CLEANTHONY EARLY suffered a similar fate. At 4:30 AM Thursday morning, the Knick scrub (who by the way commands a salary of $845 k per annum) was held up at gunpoint after leaving Cityscapes, a grimy strip joint on Queens Boulevard. Continue Reading

article-2470018-18E0822000000578-820_306x464I gotta believe that the following story would bring a smile to old George’s face if he were only around to read it!

So I’m over at the house of one of the sidebar advertisers just this past Monday night when a couple of guys approach the front door and ring the bell. Both the phone girl and I know there are two men approaching because (hello) the house (and every other house on this blog) has installed exterior cameras so they can see each and every customer as he arrives at the front door. But these guys don’t know that.

The phone girl hesitates to answer because when one of the two men called just a few minutes before, he neglected to say he’d be arriving with a friend. Most robberies in the incall business originate with one man calling only to have two or more arrive. And the phone girl is understandably apprehensive. Continue Reading

61CgP+8aW9LAfter yesterday’s post…equal time for a chick who really did not rock!

The year was 1986. I’d just about had enough of the music biz when my boy Eddie called to say he was giving up his gig with JOEY DEE AND THE STARLIGHTERS. Joey was a prick and Eddie didn’t want to do a poorly-paid three week tour in Florida which involved driving back and forth with no per diem. I, being the kind of guy who used to accept any musical work to get out of New York during the summer months, took the job even though I knew it would have its downside. After all, Ed was giving up the gig. How good could it be? And in truth, I almost quit after the first rehearsal. Joe was a tyrant and it was clear from the outset. Continue Reading

a818d8797d4fa8268eefb1e236fa143bAfter posting an entry a few weeks back about chicks who kick ass, I figure I should give equal time to chicks who rock hard on their musical instruments. So here goes with three girls who play as good as they look. Enjoy!

Once upon a time, rocking out on electric guitar was virtually the exclusive province of guys. If a girl played, she’d emulate Joanie Mitchell…not Jimmy Hendrix. But that’s all changed. While we haven’t really had our first chick maestro go mainstream yet, there are several You Tube stars who blow the roof off the joint – and look great doing it. I figure it’s only a matter of time before some record exec sees the light and gets behind our first female guitar goddess! So until then here’s a few I found so you can see.  Continue Reading

r4MQ-P8e_400x400Mistress Nicole was a worthless douchebag for sure. But I was new to the business and thus naive and somewhat hypnotized by her aura for a minute or two.

I first met the ditzy domme some time before the turn of the century when my boss at Action Magazine (Joe Rose) ordered me to report to the owner of Pandora’s Box, New York City’s premier dungeon. Joe and Richard were starting up a she male magazine titled “Adam As Eve.” And both principles wanted me to co-edit the rag with Nicole.

The mistress didn’t look half bad. A little milfy by then…but once upon a time, Nicole was one of the original Soul Train dancers. So even if the luster was fading, it was clear that she shone brightly at one point in time. That was the good part. The bad part was she wrote on a third grade level…and had the usual escort/dominatrix sense of self-worth, entitlement and presumption. Which is to say…she had no clue as to her own ignorance and incompetence. Continue Reading

1368404970_Picture 1While it’s true the good ol’ US of A is a prudish country compared to say…those in Europe…we are advanced in one area: our acceptance of “mature” women as sexy and desirable. In Brazil and Korea (just for example), women over the age of 21 are already over the hump in the eyes of their men. But here? We can sprout juvenile boners behind women in their 30’s, 40’s 50’s and even 60’s. What can I say? We’re just enlightened like that. And I count myself as one of them. My past few girlfriends have all been mature. Continue Reading

1a737025956b9f20a16426ab61cd1ca8In the wake of the ODELL BECKHAM scandal, the renowned Giant wideout has blamed his atrocious behavior at least in part on the opposition assaulting him verbally with homophobic slurs. And I as a Giant and Odell fan, have to figure that something happened out of the ordinary to make him act out like that. I mean…the dude has played two dozen NFL games and he’s never displayed over the top behavior like that before!

Besides losing a hunk of money…and effectively rendering the Giants out of the playoff race…I have to think Odell would do it differently if he had to do it all over again. And here’s how I would have handled the situation. If an opposing player called me a faggot (which I assume was the epithet used. That or cocksucker), I would respond with one (or both) of the following retorts: Continue Reading

2F98023600000578-3372844-image-m-62_1450931278819Gotta shake my head at the news coming from the media that second string New York Knick, DERRICK WILLIAMS, went clubbing at a joint called UP AND DOWN…and got robbed for in the neighborhood of $750,000 worth of jewelry after he took a couple of ho’s from the joint back to his crib. And all’s I can say is “Was this dude born yesterday?”

As a guy who’s been around the block a few times (both literally and figuratively) in the East Village night life scene, I know to hide my valuables before setting out for a night on the town because let’s face it…ladies of the night – whether professional or amateur – have a bad habit of stealing from their one nighters. In fact, after losing a bag of weed to a girl I actually knew, what I used to do is leave dead Walkmen and cameras out for the ho’s to grab if that’s the way they rolled. So how come Derrick didn’t know this? Continue Reading

visit-dentist-10909785Three months ago I wrote an entry about my new K-POP dentist, a beautiful young Korean woman who by dint of free doctoring (she comes with my insurance plan) replaced my old practitioner. Last week, I finally returned to the office to have the botch job she did on my molar repaired. Or as a friend observed when I told her…”Good service isn’t cheap and cheap service isn’t good.” No truer words have ever been said – at least in this case.

But bashing a cute girl who eventually did the job right isn’t my agenda today. Rather, the entire episode got me to thinking about the stories I’ve heard in the escort business about doctors bartering their services. Yeah, I know, you’d think that a medical practitioner would be above all that. But you’d be wrong. If you deceive yourself that there’s never been a case of an escort exchanging numerous “trysts” for a brand new set of choppers – or some other medical procedure – you’d be seeing the world through rose-colored glasses.

One of my old clients even related a story during which the good doctor (or dentist) administered anesthesia and then did all manner of unspeakable things to her while she was out! In his defense, they struck the deal beforehand and for her part, she thoroughly enjoyed the experience – sticky situation notwithstanding! Continue Reading

feat_RockefellerTreeI admit it…I hate most of the pop tunes we hear every year around Christmas time. One more go-round of Brenda Lee chirping “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” and I might have to kill someone! But there are three commercial Yuletide songs I actually like. And because it’s almost Christmas, I’m going to make note of the lucky three today.

The first is the always corny but still sentimental version of “The Christmas Song,” sung by Nat King Cole. But did you know that a milquetoast guy named Mel Torme wrote that song? And did you know that Mel was an accomplished drummer? Not so milquetoast now, huh? In music biz circles, there weren’t a lot of guys who commanded more respect than Mel Torme. Here’s the man singing the song he wrote: Continue Reading

monica1On more than one occasion I’ve described the futility of dealing with the inflated ego of too many escorts. And today I have a perfect example of just that. Check it out.

Once in a while, I’ll forward an mpg file of a music track I’ve composed to a girl (or really anybody) who shows some interest in pop music, requesting that he or she (usually she)  take a crack at writing a song and melody over the music. Some professionals might opine that this is an ass backwards way of writing a song but the truth is that several of the world’s most familiar tunes have been written in this manner and that in the professional realm, lyricists are asked to do this routinely. I know I was back in my music business days and in all modesty, I did the job fairly well though I’m the first to admit that writing song lyrics isn’t one of my strongest points. Continue Reading

uber-logoWhen it comes to having sex with a fair maiden for the first time, that ship sailed many decades ago. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have a virginal experience in some other realm every now and then. And so it was yesterday that I took my first ride with an Uber driver.

Down at the Meatloaf Kitchen, we don’t just give out meatloaf. We have a pantry line…a section to find housing for the homeless…and a clothing locker. For some reason unknown to me, the organization needed to move several heavy bags full of clothing to a shelter in the area. And so I and a few other guys got the job of humping the bags upstairs, into a waiting vehicle, and to the alternative location. The vehicle standing outside the door was a black mid-size sedan driven by an Indian guy I didn’t recognize as a volunteer. Continue Reading

end-of-the-lineContemplating the profession of so many girls I know, I stopped yesterday to wonder what exactly is the end of the line for an escort – or is there any, really? Many years ago while sitting in the kitchen of a big place with a very old man who was the friend of the owner, the wise one regaled me with these words: “These girls are like a dinghy out on the ocean….with no sextant…and no idea where they’re going.” I laughed quietly at his observation and then listened on as he broke it down: “Once they have a hundred bucks in their pocket, they’re gone to spend it on God knows what! And when the money’s gone? They’re back for more!” Continue Reading

blogThe VaultOn more than one occasion, I’ve mentioned my employment at Action Magazine as the springboard for this crazy life I’ve led for the past 20 years. But I don’t think I’ve ever described my very first assignment as a freelance writer for the publication.

The story starts with a guy named Ted Liebowitz, an entrepreneur who made millions in the phone sex hustle. In fact, he got so rich from that preposterous medium that Ted integrated into publishing girly rags as a lark. And it made sense. He could plaster all those publications with ads for his phone lines rather than pay rags like Playboy, Juggs and whatever else for the privilege. Continue Reading

New_York_Taxi-1Nowadays, I don’t field many questions about what it’s like to drive a cab because hello…for all intents and purposes, I stopped driving almost 20 years ago. But when I was a cabby? Everybody was curious – especially after I began writing op eds for the local dailies while I was still driving.

So first off, how does driving a cab work compensationwise? Generally, a driver leases the vehicle for a certain period of time and then goes out to pick up fares. At the end of the shift, the amount of dollars he takes in minus the lease fee and gas cost is what he takes home for himself. Commission driving is a thing of the past; that ended in 1981. Continue Reading

lcWith the myriad of adult directories infesting the Internet, how does a guy know on which site to log in to get the best selection or bang for his buck (figuratively speaking)? Well just recently, I decided to switch browsers from Chrome to Safari. And two things came to my attention.

First was Backpage, whose New York escort section is my default page in that browser. And so…every time I logged on, up came da goils and naturally, I paused at least a few seconds to check out the cheescake. Since the inception of the free or dollar ad on that site, the number of posted ads has increased mightily. Duplicates are rife and after a few go rounds, one comes to realize that the same ads run over and over again and the choices are a lot more limited than you’d think at first glance. While still #1, the assholes who own that site have to be reeling at this point what with all the lost revenue. Boo hoo! And more important, what with all the duplication and bait and switch, a guy could still come up empty. Continue Reading

credit_cards.gi_.top_Yesterday, an e-mailer brought up an excellent point: Who in his right mind would tender a credit card as payment to an escort? Like…imagine the havoc a girl could wreak under that circumstance! Well…that’s not entirely true. It depends on to whom you give the number.

The fact is that middle-of-the-night outcalls are paid by credit card more often than they are in cash. Kind of the nature of the beast. Lots of guys don’t have the money on hand and would rather not venture out to a cash machine to get some. So they pay by card. Surprisingly and more often than not…this turns out to be a problem for the service sending the girl – and not the card owner. Continue Reading

038-1144It is now the one year celebration of our northern neighbor’s new prostitution law. And while few would argue that Canada is a more enlightened nation than ours (not saying much), it’s become obvious that the new initiative is hardly practicable or particularly modern in its outlook.

Except for a few counties in Nevada, prostitution is a big no-no here in the repressed US of A. You can’t buy it….sell it…advertise it…promote it or essentially, get within a hundred miles of it without risking apprehension by the long arm of the law. So whatever Canada does has to be more forward-thinking than what our legislators enact. But not by a whole lot, unfortunately. Continue Reading

9f0cTinder-LogoSo I was talking to the owner of an American joint yesterday…a guy I’ve known for a long time…when the subject turned to who’s zoomin’ who and homie revealed that he subscribes to Tinder, the “it” hookup site of the moment…and that he’s scored with no fewer than four women via his membership on the site.

This didn’t come as a huge shock because “Charlie” (fake name) isn’t one of those trick-turned-owner guys who entered the business to get back some of the fortune he’d spent “seeing” escorts. Rather, Charlie’s a mack who has no problem bedding babes. Keeping them unaware of each other would be more like it! Continue Reading

imagesThe girl is pretty much gone with the wind (in Montreal and retired I believe)…but her legacy endures owing to a unique life experience she shared with me – one which I never would have imagined or ever expect to hear again.

Jeannie was (or is) one of two Guyanese sisters I met way back during the first week of my Action employment. Initially, I did not like the woman. She was loud, course, and pushy. But that changed many years later when somehow (not worth describing the circumstances) the two sisters and I got together after hours.  Continue Reading

coyoteugly31 copyIt wasn’t an earth-shattering event or anything like that…but the day I got hired at Action Magazine was one that changed my life significantly. First, it transformed me from a freelance cabby/writer with no fixed schedule to an employee with specific responsibilities and fairly structured time parameters. And while I did drive the occasional 12-hour (or 18 hour on Sunday) taxi shift for 3 more years, my work focus prioritized my job for the magazine – and “drove” my other line of work into the background. (It seems bizarre that I would drive even one more shift after scoring a full-time and reasonably well-paid job but I had an allegiance to the taxi business. Busting a hack had afforded me the opportunity to write op-eds for the real papers and I didn’t want to give that up entirely.) But the way that embarking on my adult ad-selling career changed me most significantly was in the manner I sought female companionship. Continue Reading

UnknownI have a confession to make: Not once in my entire life have I spent even a dollar on a lottery or scratch-off ticket. I’m just not a schmuck that way. I know enough about probability and statistics to understand that the more you gamble in those venues…the more you’re gonna lose. There’s only one rational way to win gambling in a game that’s set up to pay the house back in double digits. If ever at any point you’re actually in the black, you simply quit for the rest of your life. Then you can say you beat the odds. Continue Reading

AD_TwerkingI love the word twerk – almost as much as I love to watch a big-bootied girl twerkin’ it! So while sitting around with nothing to do I decided to have my own auto Screw-style septic think tank just like the pervs at the old fish wrapper used to do when it was time to come up with snappy head and tag lines. So here goes with the lucky 13 ways the word TWERK has changed the lexicon! Continue Reading

maxresdefaultI think it’s fair to say that the Muslim reputation has reached an all time low in the last month. And rightfully so all things considered. But just because a few assholes are hell bent on murder and mayhem doesn’t mean that all Muslims lean that way.

So I was doing my volunteer thing a couple of weeks ago when in came the coat people giving away free outerwear. And not being proud like that, I picked up a nice Timberland overcoat only to discover that the zipper was busted. Now I already have a winter coat I really like with a busted zipper. What the fuck do I need with two? Continue Reading

206413799_7c68420938_oAfter writing yesterday’s “dead cocaine dick” entry, I suddenly remembered a funny dead alcohol dick anecdote from my cab-driving days. So humor me for just a few minutes, while I dial back the time machine 20-something years to tell a story from a previous career.

Mark and Ritchie ran a shitty run-down cab garage at 20th Street between 10th and 11th Avenues. And never an odder business couple could you find. Ritchie was a Bensonhurst guinea right out of Hollywood casting. He’d been in and out of jail his entire life for the typical Italian hoodlum raps. Mark was a little Jewish guy. And I mean really little. Like 5′ 2″ and maybe 120 pounds. I knew they grew up together and all I could figure was Mark must have stood up to a bully in grade school and earned Ritchie’s respect. There was simply no other plausible explanation for how these two became friends. Continue Reading

51qv-8JK7lL._SX329_BO1,204,203,200_In my never-ending quest to not be bored stiff, I’ve taken to reading constantly when I have little to do. And yesterday’s diversion was a book titled “STRAIGHT TO HELL,” a “Wolf of Wall Street” style expose on the excesses of the pre-subprime mortgage meltdown financial services industry. And just as with the wolf book, the author chronicles binge drinking and drugging…and having sex and then waking up with women (some of the professional variety) whose name he didn’t even know! All of which makes me wonder whether the stories aren’t a little exaggerated given my own experience with drinking and drugging.

Her name was Rose, a lap dancer at the old Melody Burlesk, where I became a once-a-weeker some 30 years ago. (While I had never been a customer – check that…I was one time – at any incall prior to my job at Action, lap dancing at the Melody had become an habitual activity. The price of admission was $6 and at a dollar or two a dance, a guy could squeeze up on a dozen girls for a mere $25! What’s not to like about that?) Continue Reading

mei3sI have an old friend who has actually realized a dream that many escorts entertain. And that dream is to have a cute customer fall in love and offer to support her in the lavish lifestyle to which she has become accustomed…if she’ll just stop seeing other customers! Clearly, this is an unrealistic expectation. It’s kind of like me expecting to find my soul mate within the ranks of the escort community.

Regardless, it has happened to my old buddy Mei, the girl with the million dollar body and the 50 cent head. I think it’s that 50 cent head that makes this all possible even more than the million dollar body. When you have nothing between your ears…and a bellyful of booze to cloud an already vacuous mind…somehow, you can make the whole deal work. Continue Reading

00423972In the wake of Charlie Sheen’s revelation, HIV is once again on page one of the news. And it comes as no shock to me that the most recent headlines claim that the trans community is statistically 49 times more likely to contract the virus than the average American. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why.

Obviously, there are no trannies on this site and at this point, I don’t deal with any of the she male set. But 15 years ago, I knew virtually every tranny who advertised in Screw and I can tell you that HIV was no stranger to the “girls” who ran ads in that paper. I’d hear one girl say about another “She really shouldn’t be working”…if you get my drift! One day I noticed that one of my Voice advertisers had some purple blotches going on. Still two more showed no signs…but I knew they were positive. Continue Reading