3994146167_5f9ec0a867If you ever check out the adult help wanted ads on Squackpage, you’ll notice a hilarious potpourri of crap that only a section whose ads cost a mere two bucks would elicit. Ya know…guys looking for girls who’ll let them sniff their smelly feet. Or guys who want a fat girl who’ll smother their faces with her humongously repulsive ass. Well…one I viewed yesterday really made me laugh.

As we all know, some counties in Nevada have legalized prostitution. If said county has fewer than 700,000 residents…and a majority of those residents vote for legal prostitution via referendum…the whole deal is kosher. Why would anybody vote for legalized prostitution you might ask? Because the customers spend money while in the host’s county. And that means income for the residents. Continue Reading

1474818602276Next to a motorcycle (and maybe a car), a boat is the male’s most significant extension of his you-know-what. But the boat and driving one is unique in one way. You don’t have to know anything to pilot one legally. That’s right. No training…no lessons…no nothing.

And thus, for the third time in just 20 something years, big time athletes have died while irresponsibly driving (or being driven in) a boat. JOSE FERNANDEZ is the third and most recent victim. His boy (compatriot) was at the helm going 60 mph in the dark when he smashed into a jetty. Result? Everybody dead! Who the fuck drives a boat at 60 mph when he can’t see? A dead guy with no training, that’s who!  Continue Reading

stick-a-fork-in-weinerANTHONY WEINER, disgraced ex New York congressman, has clearly flipped his lid. Despite numerous scandals concerning his inappropriate use of the Internet to sext with women, he continues on his intrepid path to ruin and now faces not just embarrassment and humiliation – but prosecution for the latest round of salacious activity.

If you haven’t heard, here’s a piece of the transcript he (allegedly) sent to a 15 year-old girl he’s been in contact with for months: “I would bust that tight pussy so hard and so often that you would leak and limp for a week.”  Really, dude! What the fuck?!?! Are you 52 going on 15? Like yo…there’s something seriously wrong with you! Continue Reading

“Me so ho-nee” is an expression that the hip hop world has adopted in song a couple of times. But its inception comes from a film called FULL METAL JACKET, directed by Quentin Tarantino’s idol, Stanley Kubrick. If you’ve never had the pleasure of viewing the original “Me so Ho-nee,” here it is courtesy of You Tube.

Kubrick truly catches the essence of the Vietnam War hooker experience in this scene. I myself did not serve in Vietnam thanks to a high lottery number. But drinking friends from the East Village who were over there told me that the scene was very authentic. Kudos to Kubrick. I don’t know where or how he found this girl but she’s just too perfect in the role. Too slutty for words. Check it out. Truly classic.

 

20th-anniversary-script-psd83966If you asked most people “what were you doing 20 years ago today?”…99% would respond “how the fuck do I know? What kind of ridiculous question is that?!?!” But if you asked me, I’d actually know!

Twenty years ago at this moment I was at the Enterprise Auto Rental Center on 12th Street with a Harmony Theater lap dancer-turned photographer named Misa, renting a car so we could drive down to Philadelphia to meet our new boss at Action Magazine. Yup! You guessed it. Today is the 20th anniversary of my employment as an adult advertising salesman! Whoop-dee-doo! Continue Reading

k-bigpicThe very few people who read this blog religiously will remember that a year ago, I was about to become a freelancer for the Daily Beast. I’d been introduced to the big boss…submitted a piece I thought worthy…and assigned an editor. After submitting three or four ideas, he bit on one (enthusiastically, I might add) and told me to expand on what I’d written on the subject for this blog.

So I did exactly as he requested (twice with two different versions to ensure his approval) and then heard nothing back. After a few emails to which he didn’t respond, I just gave up. There were two likely scenarios. Somebody had sandbagged me in the interim…or what I’d written didn’t impress him. Yesterday, I got my answer. I spoke with another editor at the site and related what had happened. Curious, he instructed me to wait three minutes and he’d call back with the answer. Continue Reading

While I try to stay current with youth culture – and in some small way actually do – there are certain aspects that elude me. Like Twitter for example. Why would I want to tell my 3 followers stuff like “just took a mean dump…awesome!”…or “OMG! I just woke up with half a hard-on. Better wank it quick before it goes away!”

So anyway…I have a 30-something friend who is not just half my age – but from a street culture I was never a part of. Not only does he use terms like “cake”…meaning a girl has “back”…meaning she’s got a big round booty…but Leroy (name change) has a few other cultural quirks which I find curious. Continue Reading

It’s late and who wants to leave the house or wait for a girl to arrive when video chat with this and many other girls is just a few seconds away? Check it out! And every time you hit the refresh button, you’ll see a different girl. Or click the girl’s pic and the sound comes on.

 

In honor of our top cop stepping down, I repeat the story about that fateful night I picked William Bratton up in my cab. Busting a hack was 99.99% drudgery for sure. But every so often…ya got that sublimely surrealistic moment. And my voyage with the Chief provided one of them!

When a guy drives a taxi in New York City, he never really knows who he’s going to pick up. I mean…everybody rides cabs in the Rotten Apple so at any given point a driver can roll up on an old girlfriend…or a porn star…or a Grammy or Oscar winner…or his mother! And yes, I did pick up all of the aforementioned during my tenure as a transportation executive. Continue Reading

2016-236-be1149a8-db54-4704-8001-829bccd9f2b8Until very recently, I was barely aware that a company called LINK NYC had set up kiosks on New York city street corners which offered free wifi – and even a tablet on which anybody could log onto the web free-of-charge. All this is paid for by purchased advertising that appears on the outside of the kiosk – and the general purpose of the project is to enable tourists and New Yorkers alike to access vital city information.

In theory, this all sounds like a serious quality of life improvement. The kiosk even enables free phone calls through Vonage – if the user is tech savvy. But guess what happened! The homeless commandeered the kiosks, setting up shop with carts, discarded mattresses and the like littering the sidewalk next to the kiosks, many of which are located in fancy neighborhoods. Continue Reading

This is a repeat. You’ll note that two of the girls who appear in this oddball video include a recurring and regular character from THE BIG BANG sitcom.

A reader sent me a link to this sublimely preposterous video which I have no doubt will be going viral soon. Apparently, there’s at least a small segment of the fairer set who recognize their lack of aptitude when it comes to digital manipulation – if this video is any indication. Whatever…enjoy! Just click “no” where it says to install the adobe flash player and it should play immediately.

oI can’t imagine that anybody remembers this place now…but about 15 years ago, there was a very successful Korean outcall which called itself DREAMHOUSE. Dreamhouse was notable for a few reasons. First and foremost, it was the first Korean outcall to use real pictures in their ads.

At the time, the boss was going through ad reps like club girls goes through guys. Which is to say that every week she was trying out a new one. This of course caused major wars between the two advertising agencies who fed the Village Voice somewhere in the neighborhood of 60 – 80 k per week….not to mention among ad guys whether it was with a rep from the same or competing agency.

When it was my turn to come to the plate, I was determined to stop the revolving door. “One week of ads with me and they’d know they found the right guy,” was my hope. With camera in hand, I rode the #6 to Grand Central…the #7 to Jackson Heights/74th Street…the GG to Grand Street…and then hoofed the last half mile to a private row house behind the old Panamerican Hotel in Maspeth, Queens. Continue Reading

100_3669By my own admission, I am not the world’s most thoughtful person. But it’s something I’ve been working on recently, and I’m happy to say my efforts have been rewarded. A few weeks back I mentioned an outing I went on with several volunteers at the Catholic Worker to see the Staten Island Yankees. But I left one story out in my haste to complete the entry.

One of the members of the crew in attendance is a girl I named SUNSHINE. What her real name is I don’t know. All I knew is that one day there was a new Chinese volunteer who wore a perpetual smile on her face. And not knowing her name, I addressed her as Sunshine. The name stuck…which was a good thing because she liked it right away. Soon most of the volunteers were calling her Sunshine as well. Continue Reading

nyc-july1978-1aJust when I thought I’d recounted every story from my limited life experience…I discovered one I’d missed. And I want to thank Mick at the Catholic Worker who upon hearing this tale, asked if I’d written it up for my blog. Apparently, he and the second guy within earshot thought I should. So here goes.

If there’s one issue readers address more often than any other, it’s the old “what happens if I’m in a place when it gets busted?” That question has been pretty much asked and answered many times over the years, but my own personal experience in this realm has never been revealed – at least when I was a customer. (On several occasions, I was on the premises selling advertising when the cops came in – but never in the room with a girl.) Continue Reading

untitledDONALD TRUMP would be the first to tell you that he has a very high IQ – and that you have to be extremely intelligent to gain admission to the Wharton School where he attended college. He’s just that kind of modest guy. As a decent but not excellent student in high school, I myself was put on the waiting list at his alma mater when I applied. Yet still, I’m not convinced that The Donald is any smarter than I am. But how could I possibly know?

Enter HOWARD STERN, who recently interviewed Donald, daughter Ivanka and son Don on his show. After the trio discussed how brilliant one must be to gain admission at the Wharton School, Howard posed a simple question to which I personally knew the answer in under 3 seconds. Watch what happens and tell me again how intelligent this guy and his family really are! I hope they play a mean guitar, paint up a storm, or write excellent prose…because clearly, cipherin’ ain’t their thing! Check it out! Continue Reading

imgresThere’s an old expression (the above title) which every parent worth his or her weight in cotton balls tells their child. Always tell the truth. Lying is for losers. And mostly I agree. Lying is just too complicated. Tell one and you have to tell 20 more to back up the first. I just can’t keep track and have always outed myself quickly by saying something that contradicted the first lie. So anyway, a friend of mine recounted a story on this subject yesterday that really got me hysterical. Continue Reading

imagesYears ago when I drove a taxi and knew little or nothing about the escort world, bars were the hunting ground I frequented in what was mostly a hopeless attempt at real – or even physical – bonding. In short, I spent way too much time and money for too little you-know-what – and even less meaningful intellectual intercourse.

But still, there were moments when I did get “callbacks” from either cute or intelligent (mostly the latter) women I met along the way. And while almost never did the object of my predation embody both of the aforementioned attributes, there was a girl named Terry…as in…Terry Batista, an ACLU lawyer and coincidentally, the granddaughter of the infamous and ruthless dictator who preceded Fidel Castro. Clearly, she was an exception to the rule. Terry was both pretty and intelligent…and it made sense and rendered her lineage acceptable…that she was doing underappreciated, and poorly paid work on behalf of the have-nots in American society after her grandaddy had killed numerous citizens of Cuba. Continue Reading

640x0A couple of years ago I was talking to a guy who buys sex on a regular basis. When I asked if he was married, the man’s response was simple: “Yes, but my wife doesn’t want to have sex anymore so I get it elsewhere.” This was how he dismissed his activity. And it made sense to me. Personally, I like having sex. If I were married and my wife didn’t want to partake, I don’t think I’d have a moral issue seeking it elsewhere. This is not an uncommon predicament or reaction to the situation – especially for readers of this blog.

Hoping to capitalize on an aging female’s lack of interest in much the same manner as PFIZER made a mint from men’s inability to get and maintain an erection as they grew older, SPROUT PHARMACEUTICALS has endeavored to bring a female version of viagra to the sweeter half of our species. But mostly, it’s been a bust (no pun intended). Continue Reading

d66ea455f199300c87cf9058bfc35299Some people call it “dirty talk.” Me? I prefer “sweet nothings.” Whichever way…today’s post is about the banter – or the verbal intercourse if you will – that takes place during the sexual intercourse.

Whether in the professional or amateur realm, it’s usually meaningless scripted stuff. “Oh, it feels so good”…or “just like that”…or “oh, yes, yes”…or finally “oh my God!” The last has to be the most overused of them all!

Well…last night, I was in the throes with a very hot boriqua. Predictably, there was a lot of Spanglish going back and forth: “Alright, baby! Que chocha perfecta! I like-ee! Me gusta!” said I. “Que rica, papi! Damelo! Give it to me good!”…was more or less  her response. Continue Reading

derrick-rose.vresize.1200.675.high.45DERRICK ROSE is an excellent basketball player. Not too many people would dispute that statement. But should the Knicks have acquired Rose for their squad given his penchant for getting injured? That doesn’t seem to even be an issue at this point as the details of the rape case leveled upon him by an ex-girlfriend should leave any fan with an ounce of decency unhappy that he will be representing New York this coming season. The specifics of the rape case are such.

Here are some facts not in dispute: Rose began dating Jane Doe in 2011 and continued in a non-exclusive sexual relationship with her for a year and a half during which he more or less constantly requested that she engage in three way sex…and skype with him while masturbating, both activities which made her uncomfortable. In fact, she couldn’t even blow the guy and brought along a friend/sex therapist on one date to try and cure her oral sex inhibition/phobia. Continue Reading

weinerpostAlthough I’ve not spoken to DENNIS HOF (infamous owner of the MOONLIGHT BUNNY RANCH) for a while, I continue to receive intermittent emailed press releases from his public relater. As we all know, Hof never misses an opportunity to capitalize on media coverage and he has a full time employee dedicated to that pursuit.

Often, these emails are so big they get bounced back – which matters not to me as whatever Dennis is up to I dare say is of more importance to him than it is to me. But recently, one of them got through and I have to admit the message elicited a laugh-out-loud moment.

If you’re not aware, ANTHONY WEINER has once again been outed for sexting pictures of his junk (or the outline of his stuff in underwear). Clearly, this is old news which nobody should care about at this point. But one of the New York tabloids picked up on the story and placed it on the front page. Hof noticed and dreamed up a press release to (as usual) bring attention to himself.  Continue Reading

Family_Affair_LogoSociety has pretty much established that there’s something dysfunctional about a woman being an escort. Whether that’s true or not is a matter of debate. But I can tell you first hand, I go for the former. From where I sit, there is a lot of dysfunction in the escort rank and file. Too many girls I’ve known simply can’t get out of their own way once they leave the room.

Regardless, I think we can pretty much end the debate when it comes to the legendary Brown family (made-up name), three of whose members I met when I first started working at Action magazine. The first was Danielle, a young and attractive phone girl of the slim and dark persuasion. She booked calls for an outcall service. As far as dysfunction goes, I didn’t see any beyond her being a thief (she used to contact the girls on the side and do a deal with them to cut the owner out). Continue Reading

melaniaIn the wake of THE DAILY MAIL declaring that MELANIA TRUMP once sold ass…and then retracting their assertion after getting sued for $150 million by the Trump legal team, the question remains “did she or didn’t she?” Sadly, I have no insider info on somebody I find as non boner-inducing as Melania Trump. If somebody told me something, I probably wouldn’t even have listened given how flaccid she leaves me.

So why is it that a hetero dude like me finds Melania so uninspiring? There are multiple reasons. She’s not that beautiful…she’s not that bright…she has a horrible accent…and an idiot for a husband.

Then there’s the superficial stuff: She has fake breasts. Now I can get serious about a woman with small breasts. But fake ones? No way. As I’ve noted before, fake tits connote insecurity. And I’m not that insecure that I need an insecure better half. And…she’s got no ass! Just too many deal breakers. What more can I say?  Continue Reading

57210221Most of the email I receive on the account listed in the button above is either spam or from readers – and rarely from current or prospective advertisers. But yesterday morning I awakened to find correspondence from a she male whose ads I ran in several publications many years ago.

So I gave her a call to discover what I suspected: She wanted an ad in something that no longer exists – or Backpage – none of which I’m foolish enough to sell at this point in time. Once past that bit of business, we segued to gossip. I’d visited this “woman” on a number of occasions for years – and we know (or knew) a lot of the same people (both of the born female and more recently converted type). Continue Reading

97534308It’s a sad matter of fact that all too frequently, people who live in vaunted or historic locales barely even notice – and often don’t visit – the places where tourists flock when they visit. Like how many times have I ridden past the UN and rather than think “there lies the planet’s last gasp for world peace,” I instead mutter to myself “I really hate this bitch. I shouldn’t even take her money!” as I ride to pick up a payment for and ad. (Actually, I’d have those feelings many years ago when I was selling for every adult advertising outlet imaginable. But not anymore. I love everybody on this blog.)

But as old age creeps up on me, I tend to not take all these wonders of New York City for granted. Still, that doesn’t mean that I’ve visited the Museum of Natural History or the Metropolitan Museum of Art in the past 50 years. I just realize where I am when I pass them by! Continue Reading

chicken-and-egg-smallerA couple of days ago while down at the Catholic Worker doing my thing, I found myself helping Erica shell the hard-boiled eggs which after being mashed-up, mayonnaised and garlic-powdered, would become lunch for the volunteers.

It turns out that the soup kitchen had received a huge number of donated brown eggs – so many that the honchos feared that if everybody within a hundred miles of the joint didn’t eat, sleep and shit eggs, hundreds of them would rot before being consumed. And so…it wasn’t just a few eggs we were feverishly denuding. It was dozens! The only problem (or another problem) was they were quite small – a fact which Erica bemoaned. “These eggs are so little,” she complained as we continued on intrepidly shelling the diminutive ovals. Continue Reading

17547b7f22616c9aacb253fbf69112a8I can’t believe I’ve never published this on the blog. It was written almost 20 years ago for OUI MAGAZINE and has been lying in my files all this time.

While the self-proclaimed King Of All Media would appear to be as unapproachable as the queen of England, the truth is that notwithstanding his international notoriety, Howard and his down-to-earth staff are surprisingly receptive to strangers who offer them an entertainment hook that might interest the show’s listeners and viewers. In this month’s feature, our newly appointed editor gives us some insight as to how an average slob the likes of Mr. Bill actually became a talent provider for The King and his staff.

Ok, guys! So how does a schmuck of the magnitude of say $ Bill get within 100 light years of the Howard Stern Show? After all, the world is full of much more interesting people than yours truly. Like…did I stick a gun to Howard’s head or something? Continue Reading

varsityAfter re-reading and editing the “rites” entry a few days ago, it occurred to me that what I’d written was as much about my relationship with mom as it was any rites of passage I’d experienced – which is why I changed the title to include my mom. So anyway…after reading halfway through a book titled LIFE IS A WHEEL (about a 60 year-old guy riding his bike across the USA) on the recommendation of a friend, it brought to mind a summer bike trip I myself took…one which was the brilliant idea of guess whom (you got it! Mom!) Continue Reading

187We all know that reaching the top of our world requires a trip to Nepal…and then a modest hike up Mt. Everest. But when you choose to visit the top of the world…and then get back to your own bed that night…and you’re additionally limited to reaching that spot via public transportation…the MT. BEACON FIRE TOWER is your Everest! And so it was for me this week. In my quest to find yet a new hike accessible by public trans, I discovered one I’d missed.

Beacon is more or less a misnomer for the town of its name…unless what you seek is a beacon for crime, deep ghetto or incarceration. To say that Beacon is hardly the Jewel of the Hudson would be pretty much accurate. Before embarking on this trip, I knew two basic things about Beacon. It has a nasty ghetto…and a state prison. So you can imagine my surprise at discovering that it also boasts a mountain with the highest elevation in the Hudson Valley…and a newly renovated fire tower from which you can view a good deal of New York State including the Manhattan skyline on a clear day. Continue Reading

riteWith literally thousands of entries under my belt, I republish what might be my all time favorite today. There’s very little about escorts here so I suggest that all soulless sex zombies move on. This is about the human condition and thus, paramount to some…and worthless to others.

Recently while conversing with an old friend, I somehow recalled out loud a piece of my past the significance of which had eluded me for all these years. Allow me to hop into my time machine to tell the story. Continue Reading

Picture 3It almost seems like I’ve been writing this blog forever. But actually, it’s only been a couple of months short of 8 years. So what did it look like on the first day of its inception? Look to your right. That’s a screenshot from 12/16/08 just 6 weeks into this project. And what did I write the very first day? Here it is, an entry that reads more like a mission statement than anything else. I love the part about “in time, there will probably be ads to generate a few bucks.” Really? Who’d a thunk?

There’s nothing quite the equal of starting a new creative project! It’s almost like being a virgin all over again. Well…it’s a little late for that – or maybe it isn’t? Don’t we all deserve a second chance? Whatever, let me introduce myself. Without getting overly-indulgent, I’ll trim the autobiography to these few words: Via my employment as an adult advertising rep, I am privy to all sorts of insider information about the bodyworkers whose affection many of us seek. Continue Reading

348sOne thing y’all probably don’t know is that soup kitchens don’t like to waste food. If there’s ever any leftovers, the institution tends to pack them up and send them on down the line to the nearest free food location for distribution. As such, I’ve trucked meat loaf, bread, cupcakes and whatever else from the University Soup Kitchen to the Catholic Worker on numerous occasions to keep food in the bellies of the indigent.

Similarly, the Krishna people, who feed the homeless in Tompkins Square Park will on occasion (like twice or three times a week) arrive at the Catholic Worker with leftovers – which is almost always some sort of red hot curry paella with a fair amount of vegetables mixed in. Actually, it’s not bad stuff if your stomach can take the heat. So we dump the huge pot into an almost as huge pan and give it out to the boys (and girls). Continue Reading

4minute-hyuna-beauty-magazine-november-2015-photosNo, not the Big Kahuna (as the legend goes). But the Big HYUNA, a K-pop star who as usual, is more smoke, mirrors, makeup and surgery than say…talent. Now, I’m no SETH MACFARLANE. I’m not about to make a video which espouses that Korea sounds like gonorrhea – or that all the big and firm breasts are grown in the USA and not in South Korea. (If you haven’t seen that video, I’ll include it at the end of this entry.)

But I’m less about snapping on Hyuna today than I am about enlightening my readership so we seem hip to the Korean cuties who light up the sidebar of this questionable effort. After all, knowing something about other cultures’ culture always works out for the best.

So anyway…Hyuna is a K-pop star who has apparently been in a few groups…all successful…and is now out on her own. I believe her most recent effort (you can check on this because frankly, I don’t really give a shit if it is or it isn’t) is a tune called ROLL DEEP. I’m not quite sure to what Hyuna refers when she says you can “roll deep” with her but whatever…here’s the video of the aforementioned tune followed by the FAMILY GUY video which so enraged some South Koreans. With these two (or at least the first) under your belt, I’m sure the wheels of progress will be suitably lubricated. Enjoy. Continue Reading

siyanks copyLast year I tried to organize the volunteers at the University Soup Kitchen to go en masse to a minor league ball game in Staten Island. It didn’t happen. So you can imagine that when this year, the Catholic Worker crew asked me if I wanted to go attend a game at the same venue – and that they already had a ticket for me – I was gratified and more than willing to attend. I’d like to tell y’all that I had a great time. But I’d be lying if I did.

The photo you see along with this post is actually one I took several years ago when one day while doing one of my Staten nature tours, I came to discover that it was game day at the park. So I locked my bike to check out the scene and remarkably, was able to stroll in and up to the luxury suites from where I took the accompanying photo all free-of-charge. Continue Reading

reeperbahn-03I have a longtime friend I’ll call John (because that’s his real name). We met about 25 years ago when the guy who ran the juke box at the original Village Idiot introduced us thusly: “Bill! This is John. He drives a cab, too!” Twenty five years later – and even though John has moved to a tank town in Pennsylvania – we still talk.

I called today to ask how he and his mother are doing – and somehow we got into a discussion during which John waxed nostalgic about his old days in the army…and specifically, the sexual permissiveness that virtually defined Heidelberg when he was stationed there in the early ’70’s. Continue Reading

0228-darren-sharper-3In the wake of the ongoing BILL COSBY saga, comes yet another tragic tale of a high-profile celebrity drugging women for the purpose of gaining entry to their nether regions. DARREN SHARPER, ex-all pro NFL defender, was just sentenced to 18 years behind bars by a federal district judge for drugging and then raping no fewer than nine women in four different states.

The first question you might ask is “why is Cosby still walking around while Sharper just got 18 years?” And the answer to that is simple: the statute of limitations. All but one of Cosby’s victims didn’t come forward until that statute had expired. So prosecuting Cosby is much more difficult though apparently, over time, he was more prolific than Sharper. Continue Reading

maxresdefaultRecently, a girl I know has been making snide-ish remarks about my wallet – if ya get my drift. Somebody told her I have money and in a not-too-subtle manner, she’s been hoping to access it. I had a fair idea from where she got her information and I called my buddy who I’ll call Johnson (why not) to say “dude! Not that I really care…but I’m not sure you should be telling anybody about my presumed riches.”

To his credit, Johnson didn’t deny that he was the provider of the info. His response was that he’d told the girl “just ’cause Billy walks around in t-shirts and cut-off shorts and rides a bike, don’t think he’s poor. Billy got jew money!” Despite the prejudicial overtones, I had to laugh. Continue Reading

back_380x541A few days ago, I ran a repeat titled “The Bartender’s Boyfriend” in which I compared the futility of capturing an escort’s heart to the odds of similarly hypnotizing a Coyote Ugly or Village Idiot bartender. But I left out a funny personal story which should have been part in parcel of that entry. And so…I offer part two of “The Bartender’s Boyfriend.”

Despite the fact that I had nothing going for me to speak of save a job driving a cab, there was an occasional bartender who found me provocative. One of those precious few was a girl named Laurie, a regular drink slinger at the original Village Idiot. Laurie was born and raised on Woodhaven Boulevard in Queens by her mama and stepdaddy. I mention this because one of her teeth was a little cockeyed. I’d always wondered why daddy had never sprung for orthodonture given what a pretty little girl his daughter surely was. When I heard her stepdaddy was a truck driver, I figured it out! A perfect smile simply wasn’t in the family budget – especially when daughter Laurie wasn’t actually stepdaddy’s offspring. Continue Reading

il_570xN.897317511_fcgeBecause I was once for all intents and purposes an advertising agency…and mom was a copywriter by profession…I’ve always been a keen observer of commercial psychology. Whether it’s print, television or the Internet, I like to analyze why some executive thinks an ad will work…and whether I think he or she is spot on or has their head up their ass.

So I was watching some show or other when a new OLD NAVY commercial came on. And it was everything 30 seconds should be. There was hot music…hot bodies…hot fashion…hot dancing…and even a tribute to the old Soul Train line dance. My initial reaction was “now this is a commercial!” But then I realized something. Continue Reading