With almost seven years of daily blogging, this here train wreck boasts considerable archives barely 1% of which ever bears republishing. What follows is part of the 99% time-sensitive stuff with no relevance today. Still, I offer this 4 or 5 year old piece as a slice of what my life was like up until three years ago when the authorities declared what I had been doing for over a decade against the law…whereupon I ceased immediately.
The amount of work I used to do on behalf of my clients was mind-boggling. And I’d consider myself a saint were I not compensated handsomely for the effort. In retrospect, I don’t know how I kept it up for all those years.
Anyway…don’t call any of these numbers. THIS POST IS SEVERAL YEARS OLD! Enjoy! You’ll note superscripts after some passages. They’re there to add updated info on the old news where appropriate.
Every Wednesday is the day of the week I hop on my bike and go visit most of my customers to arrange for the following week’s ads. There’s a vestigial reason for this: “Hump Day” falls in the middle of the week because it’s (or used to be) Voice deadline day – the once-upon-a-time most influential advertising vehicle in the escort world. Not very many people even advertise in the paper anymore but Wednesday remains my hump day regardless. Everybody’s been cycled to pay midweek and changing that at this point would complicate my life unnecessarily.
So every Wednesday I get an eyeful of babes in lingerie and bikinis as part of the ancillary benefits of doing my little paper route (or internet route as it were)! And because yesterday WAS Wednesday…and most of my clients just LOVE when I talk them up on this blog…I’ve decided a HUMP DAY ROUNDUP would be in order.
Wednesday (and every day for that matter) begins with me falling out of bed around 9 AM to begin posting the morning ads. Half the time, I’ll jump back in the rack and grab another hour of sleep before the insanity really begins – especially if I’ve not blogged the night before and I have that task to perform as well as a million others! And half the time, I figure out what I want to say for the day and begin writing at 9:05.
Indies with no schedule begin calling with their ad times for the day and it isn’t until about 1 PM that I get all of them squared away (put their ads in the phone) and then hit the road to meet with the goils. For the next several hours, I bounce from place to place mostly gossiping…getting fed…and discussing who’s gone and who’s new for the week..and the production changes I’ll have to make on their behalf. That’s not to say that requests for ad changes don’t come in every day of the week. They do. But Hump Day is the day I get most of them.
I’d like to tell you that on this hallowed day of the week, I literally get humped everywhere I go but in fact, it can be very stressful “plowing” through all the work orders and then actually sitting down after all the roadwork to make the ad changes. Humping my way through Hump Day is not part of the program. Like just for example…FANTASIA wanted a unique number on their BEST GFE banner so they can accurately gauge the response from that ad. So I had to change their two banners, which given that they’re flashing gif files, means I re-designed 7 different panels, a task that takes a lot of concentration if I want to get it done as quickly as possible – which I do.
So anyway..who cares about all that bull shit? Did I see anybody hot and worthy of two hundred smackeroolies yesterday? That’s what the readers care about!
Not first on the paper route but most noteworthy was NY ASIAN VIP (347-552-1308). I’m lovin’ this place! For starters, the phone girl is always ready with the payment. I never get bull shit about coming later or anything like that! And if you want to know which phone girl could make a fortune in the room, JENNY’S the one. I mean…this girl is personable, pretty, curvy, and speaks perfect English. And best of all, she needs no “smoke and mirrors,” to achieve the desired effect. The girl was simply born beautiful.1
In the meantime, she hands me the envelope whereupon CRIS flashes me a big smile and then sticks her hand out like a wife demanding her husband’s paycheck when he arrives home from work. This isn’t the first time one of the girls has done this. They constantly bat their eyelashes and flirt gratuitously when they see me getting a piece of the house money for the advertising.
Right in the middle of this, a customer buzzes and out comes JOY to dazzle him! But before he reaches the house, JOY dazzles me! She’s a vision from head to toe. I don’t know her at all really beyond saying hello. But I think I’d like to. She sexxxy girl! And then SUMMER pops her head out to say hey! But she has a stomach ache so no flirting on that front. Whatever…with the addition of JOY and ANGIE and the new phone girl…added to CRIS and SUMMER, this house has an excellent roster worthy of a visit (or several).2
Changing up, I head over to Trannyville to see a she male who called while I was riding. She’s not a big client but I’ve known the freak forever and have come to appreciate that she’s one of the few characters I have on my paper route. And she’s also disturbingly good-looking! Ya know…just one of those human beings who was born attractive regardless of her gender. I once showed an eros verification photo of her taken as she sat in the chair at a beauty salon with her hair all covered in silver to a friend of mine and the guy exclaimed “Now that’s a hot chick!”… only to have me inform him “That’s no chick, homey! It’s a dude!” You get the idea. Anybody in the market for a hot tranny can call 347-357-1566. I’m sure she won’t disappoint!3
Off to ASIAN PARADISE (347-256-7143) where as the tag says, “The girls treat you nice,”4 to walk in and catch a glimpse of a phat-bootied girl in the off-limits area lying on her stomach and peering at her lap top with said phat booty perched high in the air. So I ask the phone girl “Wow! Who’s the girl with the phat booty?” Phat booties aren’t all that common in a Korean house! “KARA” is the answer. I’ve heard from two different phone girls that KARA isn’t that beautiful facially, but nobody disputes that her body is remarkable! I’ve barely seen her face and really haven’t given her the once-over visually, but I can tell you from one glimpse of that magnificent posterior, I’m in…ALL in…if you get my drift.
Over at RED SECRET (212-221-0109), I compliment KYMBERLEY with a mock “Who’s that pretty girl?” as she walks in and out with a payment..and then say hey to CHERRY as she does the same routine a few minutes later. CHERRY’S a little standoffish…maybe because I just complimented her friend…or maybe because I made some crack on my blog recently about not appreciating implants…or maybe because she thinks I’m a disgusting old man. But the fact remains that if I were gonna fool around with a Korean girl, CHERRY would be my choice. She resembles my old girlfriend and I know she thinks I’m a cute guy (go figure)!5
The last stop of the day is always FANTASIA (347-444-5580).…not because I don’t like them or anything like that…but they’re in Chinatown and in exactly the opposite direction of all my other stops. Hence, I leave them for last. When I descend to their basement house, I always know if they’re busy or not by the exhaust vent from the table body shampoo room. If I feel heat and smell incense, I know they’re hopping. If I feel and smell nothing? I know they’re not! Yesterday they were busy for the first time in a while according to the phone girl. The roster is pretty much fixed at FANTASIA! And that’s a good thing when that roster boasts RUBY, LUCKY and BLUE! LUCKY would be my choice. There’s something about her sweet smile and those secretary glasses that does the trick for me.6
After a little gossip and some Korean pizza and fried chicken, it’s back to the crib and the task of getting all the production work done before Dave comes on with his monologue. More posting and setting up all the next day’s ads is next..hopefully getting it all done before “Comics Unleashed” unleashes a “Ladies Gone Wild” show complete with Margaret Cho confessing she likes her women butch..ya know…the kind of chicks who roll their own tampons! Nice!
By about 3:30 AM everything is posted and all the next day’s ads are readied. It’s off to sleep and up again at 9 AM to more or less do the same thing – but without the traveling – unless I go to Staten for some fresh air if the weather’s nice! All the ads are in the phone and the phone works fine except for about 15 minutes when the ferry is in the middle of New York Harbor. But today? I still have some leftover pickups. So it’s north I ride to finish the week’s collections. Staten will have to wait another day.
And there it is (or was)! Hump Day! it’s got all you could want except…no humping. Go figure! I’d be the guy you could throw in a barrel of tits only to come up sucking my thumb! But hey…the job gets done and I live to literally hump on another – and less busy – day!
1. JENNY became JOLIE a year or two later!
2. NY ASIAN VIP continues to house some of the cutest K-girls in the city.
3. This tranny still exists with the same number as far as I know. She called fairly recently seeking an ad.
4. This tag line is one of many I used for Backpage ads. For Bunny Girls? “We hop till you drop”…or “The energizer bunny lives on.”
5. This is the CHERRY who has recently worked at Asian Flower.
6. Fantasia left the blog when it was sold to a new owner. Blue was deported a couple of years later for having an outstanding warrant in another state when she got busted in New York. Ruby was amazing but no longer around.