In my never ending quest to understand women and the mysterious organ they possess, I recently checked “THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES” out of the library. For those unaware, a one-woman play of the same name was a huge hit on Broadway almost 20 years ago. The book and the play are comprised of interviews and observations made respectively by a woman and women concerning their relationship with that “down there” part of their anatomy.

In one especially disturbing anecdote, a 72-year old interviewee revealed that in her budding sexual maturity, the woman had gone out on a date with a man who wheeled and put an aggressive make on her while they were both in his car. So turned on was she by the advance that the woman’s vagina gushed liquid and left a puddle on the man’s seat. So freaked out was he by the display that he drove her home – never to call her again! And so freaked out was she as well that was effectively the end of her sex life! Finally, at age 72 she’d revealed this secret to the interviewer. Continue Reading

Independent record companies are a strange animal. One day they have just enough money to press a record (or a CD) and the next…they’re swimming in cash from an unexpected million seller. And so it was with an outfit called EMERGENCY RECORDS. “LET THE MUSIC PLAY,” a record sung by an accountant paid somewhere around $100 for her lead vocal, became a top ten hit – and the owner was told by his accountant to start reinvesting money to offset the huge windfall.

As a result, the number 2 man at the firm shoved a big cardboard box of what must have been 100 cassettes in my face…wrote me a check for a hundred bucks (apparently the going rate for lead vocals and freelance A&R duties) and told me to listen to everything and bring the best songs to his attention. Continue Reading

4An orgasm is a funny thing – especially when you have it with a partner. Here you are in the most intimate of settings and more often than not, it’s accompanied with no verbal intercourse. You’ve been talking and talking with your prospective hookup leading to the magical moment and then when you finally get there and are about to ascend to the summit…all that verbal intercourse eludes you. And this goes for not just the guy – but the girl as well.

I have a pet peeve with the women I can somehow convince to sleep with me. There is rarely if ever any verbal intercourse accompanying the sexual kind when she reaches her peak. This muddies the waters. Often, it’s difficult to know when – and even if – the woman makes it to the top. Thus, you can’t know exactly which technique or movement is ringing her bell. A little play by play might be in order. Continue Reading

In the past, I’ve told stories about escorts and the celebrities they meet on the job. And trust me…there are enough of them to fill a book. But what about pros who meet celebs while off duty? Believe it or not, that happens, too. And what if you yourself are bedding the girl who bedded the star…and she gives you a review of that star’s performance as if she were writing the guy up on TER or something? Bizarre! This has actually happened to me on at least two occasions that I can immediately recall.

Anecdote #1 came from an Amer-Asian hoochie mama who hustled herself an invitation to a rap star’s album party given at a club way west in the 50’s. “Get high” artist that she was, Brooke did exactly that and then stripped stark naked to do some sort of mystical flower girl/peyote dance on stage. After enjoying her performance for a few minutes, “Doodle’s” (name changed to protect the guilty) minions carried Brooke back to a private office area where Doodle diddled her! Continue Reading

All she really wants career-wise is to be a cop – a sheriff’s officer to be exact. But for KRISTEN HYMAN, recent graduate from the Hudson County Academy, it may all flush down the crapper now after the department’s discovery that between 2010 and 2012, Ms. Hyman turned a buck as a dominatrix. She even filmed a video in which her domme alter ego was described as “a true sexual sadist who hurts people not because she has to, but because it truly brings her pleasure.” Excuse me for being a wise guy…but wouldn’t that be the perfect qualification for the job?

Ok! Let’s be serious for half a second. Curious logic notwithstanding, spanking a guy till he bleeds…or inserting all manner of objects in his nether regions is perfectly legal. She did nothing against the law. What’s the problem? I would imagine that the police don’t want citizens to think they condone the sort of attitude articulated in the aforementioned description. But really…I think the horse escaped with the barn door left swinging on that one.  Continue Reading

A reader who’d just discovered that all the local ads are gone from this blog emailed me yesterday asking to which site he should go to find my old advertisers. I answered in one word: Backpage. Minutes later he wrote back that it wasn’t readily apparent which of those ads was an A-list place and which was a crappy spa with lumpy staff.

Not really my problem. I left it at that until the next day when I logged on to Backpage for what reason I can’t remember and decided to peruse the sponsor ads (the crap on the sidebar which doesn’t generate any calls) and discovered that all but one A-list place had abandoned that worthless piece of real estate. Continue Reading

I was over at a leading place yesterday (man years ago actually – this is a repeat post) when one of the girls off-handedly began gossiping about the mad love affair one of the other girls is conducting with a guy from the neighborhood.

I’m always curious when I hear about a (presumably) hardened escort getting all gushy for a guy. I mean…she meets so many individuals compared to a “regular” girl, I wonder exactly what it is about the one man that is just sooo seductive. Is the guy George Clooney handsome? Or does he boast a huge wallet? Or an even bigger you-know-what? Continue Reading

The length to which the federal government will go to investigate a person of interest knows no bounds if I’m any indication. Ya think I’m crazy? Check it out.

Rewind five years to when I used to link this blog to my Facebook account. Some SEO guy recommended I do just that as it would be beneficial to my Google ranking. Being first on page 1 meant nothing for this blog in actuality because when it happened, nobody noticed. But that’s besides the point. I’m sure it works wonderfully for some sites.

Anyway…one day, I received several friend requests on my Facebook page. Surprised and gratified at my newfound popularity, I eagerly checked off all the confirmation boxes accepting my new homies until somewhere around #15 I noticed the request had come from a 14 year-old girl!  Continue Reading

It’s late and who wants to leave the house or wait for a girl to arrive when video chat with this and many other girls is just a few seconds away? Check it out! And every time you hit the refresh button, you’ll see a different girl. Or click the girl’s pic and the sound comes on.

 

It wasn’t long ago that I expounded on BILL MAHER’S use of the n-word, opining that I understood the mistake but didn’t think that people who know Bill would think it was that big of a deal. I say this today because just a few days ago, I got the “white boy” epithet thrown at me by a person of color and I didn’t really give a crap. The context was such that I wasn’t offended.

On a mission to help a phone girl set up a new website, I ascended to her spot where I assumed she would be alone – only to be mock-jumped by two floor girls of color who were visiting. Now this is not the first time I’ve been subjected to faux muggings upon entering a place because for better or worse, some girls think this is a funny prank.  Continue Reading

As we all know, adult directory ads are filled with lies. Girls will say anything to trick a guy! I remember one customer who wrote her own text in which she claimed to be “36DD and all natural,” when in fact she was all implants and no breasts at all! Ya know…balloons that looked like you could pop them with a pin! Exactly how she reconciled that lie upon meeting a guy I’ll never know.

Then ya got the old age deal. I know one girl who says she’s 32. I saw her ID recently. She’s 55! And then another says 48! She’s 70!! And let’s not forget about what I call the “tranny formula” which dictates that she add 50% to a certain organ. Or as Jimi Hendrix used to say “if 6 was 9.”

Add to that the hackneyed phrases “classy,” “accommodating” (spelled ten different ways – all wrong), “non-pro,” “intelligent,”  and a myriad of others 99% of which don’t apply to the person describing herself…and what you get is an expose on “lies in advertising.” I mean…it’s ridiculous. Black girls say they’re latin…latin girls say they’re Italian…Chinese girls say they’re Japanese…and on and on. It never ends. Continue Reading

Almost 20 years after I drove my last cab shift, I still have friends with whom I reminisce about the good old days. And so it would figure that 10 days after retiring from the adult ad biz, I’d still have a few acquaintances in the escort world. Last night I had an interesting conversation with one of those girls.

She’s a cute and popular practitioner who commutes from almost 1000 miles away to work in New York a week or two at a time after which she returns home for a while and then starts the cycle again. Curiously, the girl chooses to ride the bus 16 hours each way. As a veteran of not one but two round trip Chinese bus rides to Orlando, I’m always eager to engage in discourse about the pros and cons of bus travel. Continue Reading

Funny story: His Holiness (John the pastor) down at the soup kitchen was telling me a story yesterday as we washed coffee cups and tin bowls. Apparently, several years ago he was pastor at a church on the Upper West Side – which was located directly across the street from the precinct. One day the Commander came over and requested that the church host the cops’ annual bash. John said it would be fine.

Now if you’ve never seen NYPD’s partying, you’ve missed quite a spectacle (you recall from another post that I have). I think it’s fair to say that the boys get down – with liquor as their catalytic substance of choice. Knowing this (I would assume), the Commander entered midway and asked if there’d been any fights yet. John responded that happily, no violence had broken out up to that point and then added “if it does, who am I gonna call, ghostbusters?” Haha. I guess the fire department would be the answer. And then you could have an all out Pier 6 style brawl. What fun! Continue Reading

How many times in our respective youth did all of us tell our mothers “well, Johnny did the same thing and his mother didn’t punish him?” only to have our mothers respond “I don’t care about Johnny! We’re talking about you and the price you have to pay for your indiscretion!”

The day after my Daily News feature was published, a friend of mine called to tell me that when his mother saw the article, she asked “why are they bothering Billy? Why don’t they go after Donald Trump?” Now this is exactly the kind of attitude that the authorities do not like. It is paramount for the offender to own his crime. In fact, allocuting in front of the judge during the plea bargain process carries with it a small reduction in points for the defendant.

During my seemingly endless ordeal, it was made evidently clear that what I did was not fair to my fellow Americans. After all, they pay their income taxes (or 53% do), so what made me so special that I didn’t pay mine (though I did pay a tiny bit)? And I get that. Continue Reading

Even the most diehard “pull yourself together” type conservative wouldn’t like what happened to a homeless man I know yesterday. Sean is one of the saner and more articulate individuals who frequents the Catholic Worker and University Soup Kitchen on most days to eat. He’s that guy who makes you wonder “how the hell did this man end up homeless?”

Anyway…Sean was copping some z’s on the D train – recumbent and in repose – when at 8 AM as the train pulled into the West 4th station – a bunch of kids on their way to school maced him for sport. This I know to be true because Sean’s eyes were red and puffy…and he was carrying a bottle of distilled water an EMT had given him at the scene when he stumbled onto the platform screaming bloody murder.  Continue Reading

I saw it in real time (pun intended). While BILL MAHER was interviewing a republican senator from Nebraska, the legislator invited Bill to come to his home state with this exact quote: “We’d love to have you work in the fields with us.” Flabbergasted by the senator’s odd overture, Bill responded with about what I expected: “Work in the fields?!?! Senator! I’m a house nigger!”

I knew right then there was gonna be a shitstorm behind what Bill had said. And a somewhat unfair one at that. Anybody who watches his show knows that Afro-Americans, women and even republicans are fairly represented in his presentation. Maher doesn’t discriminate. And what some people don’t know (but I do) is that the talk show host dates almost exclusively out of his own race – with women of color as it turns out. I’m sure Maher has the same prejudices that we all do. Let’s get real. But Bill Maher does not hate black people – pure and simple. Yet now that he used that sensitive word, people think differently – and the man is on the defensive. Some are even calling for HBO to cancel his show – which in my opinion would be 100 times as outrageous as his unfortunate slip. Continue Reading

I can’t imagine that being born with a severe congenital infirmity could ever have an upside. But the human spirit knows no bounds in some of what many people would view as a hopeless circumstance. Enter an escort I once photographed and the steady customer who called for her on numerous occasions through her low-rent Brooklyn outcall employer.

As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, part of my job at Action Magazine was to carry my camera (their camera, actually) everywhere I went to take pictures of every client who would allow herself to be photographed for the publication. The boss’s rag boasted “over 200 girls you can meet today” (or something like that) on the cover and he wanted the sales guys to supply a constant stream of new images to keep his book fresh. Continue Reading

Y’all might recall that a while back, Dollar Bill’s Paint Job Masker (if only this were in print) came up at the top of page 1 if you googled escorts NY, NY. And just as mysteriously as that happened, I disappeared not only from page 1 but 2,3,4 and 5 to rank 50th or so when I had been # 1.

So now that there are no New York escorts anywhere to be found on the site, I checked just to see if I had completely disappeared and guess what. There I was…#4 on page 1. I’d like for one of you SEO experts to explain exactly how that happens. I know Google’s algorithm is a big secret that only the top  employees understand fully. But come on!

Moving on…I checked out a morning show of ALIEN THE COVENANT yesterday, and while the flick had some merit, I have to admit it’s pretty much more of the same. I mean…how many times can you watch an alien attach itself to a dude’s face or break out of his body and still be surprised? The answer is zero for this guy. But given the special effects, scenery, reclining leather seat, and the fact that I saw the film free with an AMC gift card a Coalition For the Homeless executive gave me for being such an exemplary volunteer…I’d have to say the movie was worth checking out. Continue Reading

Unknown to most people who haven’t been through the ordeal is the statistic that 97% of federal cases end in plea bargains. And there are a few good reasons for that. Take my case for example. Here’s how it was presented to me: I could plead to tax fraud and get 35% of my money back with the possibility of receiving probation only and no prison time…or go to trial, in which case I might get a healthy 80% returned were I victorious. But if I lost, I could serve 5 years in the slam and lose almost everything. Win or lose, the legal bill would be an additional 250 k minimum. What would you do? And now you know why 97% of federal cases don’t go to trial.

Once the plea deal is signed, the next phase is the pre-sentencing interview (PSI). This step is considered of paramount importance. In fact, many defendants bring their lawyers along to ensure they don’t say the wrong thing. My attorney charges $525/hour not just to attend – but to commute from New Jersey as well! With a legal bill which is already in the neighborhood of 100 k, I let him sit this one out! Continue Reading

Several individuals have either commented, written in, or asked me personally why I deleted the local sidebar ads observing that having that content didn’t strike them as being against the law. My answer is always that the legality is a secondary consideration. The DA requested that I kill the ads – the implication being that if I valued my freedom, it might be a good idea to divest my site of those photos. But it wasn’t always that way.

Initially, I was told to continue writing as if the IRS hadn’t contacted me and seized almost all of my life savings – and the Fed wasn’t pursuing a case against me. After a couple of years and with a plea deal in place (though not signed), I asked how they felt about the blog at that juncture. I wanted to make sure we were still good. The answer was that just so I didn’t talk about the girls, it was ok to keep the ads on the sidebar if I paid income tax on the revenue the ads generated. Continue Reading

I love the Yahoo news homepage not because it’s so highbrow and informative (which it clearly isn’t)…but because it almost always gives me some silly fluff upon which I can pontificate. And today’s mindless muck comes from a story in the New York Post about a girl who gets to see the world in exchange for allowing anybody with a plane ticket to an exotic destination access to her nether regions.

The physical appearance of the poster girl for this story is hardly foreign to any of us. We’ve seen hundreds of women who look just like her on adult directory sites. But rather than say…travel 50 blocks to an outcall, she flies around the world essentially doing exactly what an escort does. The only difference is that she trades in the cash payment for an expensive vacation. Exactly how is that not prostitution – at lea..st in the narrow definition of the word? If prostitution is defined as selling sex for money, wouldn’t it follow that selling sex for something that would cost money is the same thing? Continue Reading

Well fellerz…as promised to the DA, June 1 has come and all the ads are gone. After over 20 years of selling advertising for escorts, I have effectively retired. It was a hell of a run. From dog shit cab driver to multi-millionaire ad whore in 15 years. If you’d told me in 1996 what my future held, I’d have thought you were out of your mind.

I guess at this juncture I should thank the federal government for leaving me enough of my fortune to live the rest of my life in comfort…though there were (and might be more) moments I felt like prey to predators who enjoyed the process. Continue Reading

A THING OF THE PAST!

A THING OF THE PAST!

Even after observing the metamorpheses in the escort biz and attendant adult ad service industry for 19 years, I’ve never grown bored with their evolution. Especially when it comes to the Asian community.

Back when I started my employment at Action Magazine, New York boasted only a few Asian places, almost all of which offered a dozen or so attendants none of whom I found attractive in the least. Each place had literally rows of small cubicles and a big, burly security guard who kept the peace. Servicing 100 guys per day wasn’t extraordinary. The joints reminded me more of K Mart than Saks or a Madison Avenue specialty boutique. Continue Reading

After graduating from college in 1971, I backpacked around Europe before heading south to New Orleans for post graduate study. During that summer, I spent a day with a guy named Elliot as my homey and parted ways to (presumably) never see him again. That was the way hippies traveled back then.

One night maybe 6 months later, I walked into a juke joint named Eddie Price’s in New Orleans and who did I run into? You got it. Elliot. We caught up for an hour or two and then parted never to meet again. Two years later, I stopped at the 6th Avenue and 8th Street Nathan’s for a hot dog around 1 AM one night and guess who I run into. I don’t have to tell you at this point. Continue Reading

In an odd piece of Yahoo news a few days ago, it was revealed by on-air Las Vegas traffic girl DEMETRIA OBILOR, that a viewer had tweeted a racist comment about her natural curls being dirty, unkempt and smelly. Obilitor is bi-racial and not blessed naturally with the long, straight, lustrous hair this idiot feels is indicative of a woman worth getting close to. To this man I have this to say:

“Dude! You look at this woman and all you can see and feel is how nasty and odorific her hair must be?” Hey! Let’s assume that I’m as racist as the next guy – just for fun. What I see when I look at Demetria is a heaping helping of feminine pulchritude. And as a matter of fact, I like her hair. That’s not to malign woman of color who spend a near fortune on weaves so they can have that iconic straight hair. But it’s nice to see a black woman go natural. Continue Reading

As the day draws near for me to face my fate with the judge, I’ve done a fair amount of research into the Federal Bureau of Prisons over the past almost 4 years. And one thing I decided was that if possible, I wouldn’t serve time at the Metropolitan Detention Center in Sunset Park (yes, there’s a federal lockup in Brooklyn). Call me crazy but when I go out in the yard, I want to see trees and country…and certainly not Brooklyn or New York Harbor.

Well…that general feeling was exponentially reinforced when I read the news yesterday that three corrections officers at the facility are alleged to have been sexually abusing female inmates in a serial fashion. Reliable sources have told me stories about women at Rikers Island blowing corrections officers for Lady Bic shavers and such. And every so often, stories hit the Internet about inmates and staff “interfacing.” Continue Reading

UnknownI have a confession to make: Not once in my entire life have I spent even a dollar on a lottery or scratch-off ticket. I’m just not a schmuck that way. I know enough about probability and statistics to understand that the more you gamble in those venues…the more you’re gonna lose. There’s only one rational way to win gambling in a game that’s set up to pay the house back in double digits. If ever at any point you’re actually in the black, you simply quit for the rest of your life. Then you can say you beat the odds. Continue Reading

hugh-hefner-playboyWhen it comes to modern times’ greatest womanizers, HUGH HEFNER has to rate toward the top of most people’s list. PLAYBOY MAG was an institution in its day…and the owner took full advantage of his powerful position when it came to bedding the babes of his choice.

But what kind of guy was Hef, really? Was he the benevolent father figure he’d like you to think he was…or just a schmuck with a hard-on? HOLLY MADISON, his main girlfriend for 7 years, would lead you to think he was the latter and more according to her tell-all tome DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE, which as you can probably guess by now, I read in its entirety yesterday. Continue Reading

One of the quirkier volunteers at the Catholic Worker sent me an email yesterday which contained a link to a full videotape of this year’s NYU graduation ceremonies at which he played the bagpipes. (I can tell you if you’ve never seen a 70-something year-old man play the bagpipes in an enclosed room with 40 or so homeless guys as his audience, you haven’t lived.)

So anyway…sure enough…there was John blowing away as he walked from third base to home at of all places…Yankee Stadium (where NYU apparently has its graduation ceremony). And then came the guest speaker, PHARRELL WILLIAMS (the guy who sang and produced the superhit “Happy” and many others if you don’t know). Continue Reading

I saw the blurb a few days ago…but can’t remember the name of the man accused. And if I did, I wouldn’t name him anyway. You see…he’s not just another Fox News employee accused of sexual harassment – but a reader of this blog as well. This I discovered two or three years ago when one of this blog’s advertisers (a non-Asian indy) mentioned that she had a regular who’s a fan of Dollar Bill.

Somewhat incredulous (although I do realize there are influential people who come to this site), I got her to reveal his name and sure enough upon googling the man, I discovered that he is a Fox News contributor. I’m the dirty little secret of yet another person of influence. Whoopee! Continue Reading

240_F_64647265_vRHk0eNfwvwNNIdG7wDMozyHMO2IZoGLA lot of people in the adult ad biz would probably tell you that Dollar Bill was one of  the best salesmen in the industry. And if not the best…at least the longest-lasting. The latter? Yes. The former? No way. I was never a salesman. Rather, I was just a schmuck with a personality who was willing to work 24/7. You wanted an ad? I’d sell it to you anytime…anywhere. If you didn’t? Fine. On to the next person who did.

One thing I never wanted to do was sell somebody something that I knew wouldn’t work. It just seemed so wrong to draw a commission for a vehicle that wouldn’t even net the advertiser what they’d spent – let alone enable them to profit from the investment. But I’m not like other sales people. Enter the classified director for a rag called The Spirit. Continue Reading

In the beginning, this site had one unique feature which attracted readers. Billed as a blog with “all real pix,” it was exactly that. Yeah, a lot of the images were photoshopped…but the pictures were of the actual girls you could meet. Sneaking a fake by me was difficult as virtually every advertiser here also hired me to post ads on Backpage or the Village Voice. And visiting them on a weekly basis made it very difficult for a client to hoodwink me into posting a bait and switch image as I got to eyeball all the new girls to ensure they were real.

But then the catastrophe with Somad changed all that. With no Backpage or Voice ads to run, there was no reason for me to make anything more frequent than monthly visits. And so…it was easier for the bosses to email me or post fake pix on their site for me to download. It wasn’t like I didn’t get what was happening. But there were times when it was either run the fakes or lose the client. People who came to me with fake pix to advertise the first time around were always turned away. But once they were on the sidebar and part of the “club,” it got complicated and fakes slipped through. I wasn’t happy about it – but I let it go all the same. At least, I knew that each and every advertiser ran a decent business where anybody looking to make a service purchase was likely to get his money’s worth. Continue Reading

It’s a peculiar tradition that many of the world’s people and cultures choose to bury their dearly departed. I mean…once you’re dead, what’s the point, really? My family for one puts its money where our mouths are. Both of my parents, aunt, one grandparent and my half brother were all cremated. And in fact, it seems like the green thing to do.

But today’s agenda isn’t to convince the world that cremation is the way to go. To each his own as far as I’m concerned. Rather, I’ve decided to waste everybody’s time with an anecdote about a group of idiots who decided to steal ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S body and then demand 200 k in ransom money for its return! Continue Reading

pMLB2-1792415dtAll occupations have their special lingo. Like with Action Mag, we used to refer to the different ad types (outcall, incall, fetish, she male) as classes of trade. Or with selling ads for the Voice, a “run” was an ad that ran the previous week and would run the next unchanged. A “pick up” was an ad that ran previously at some point – but had not run in the last issue. A “twenty eighth” was a minimum size display ad. For Backpage, a “sponsor ad” was the terminology used for that stupid box ad on the side that never worked for the advertiser. Anyway…you get my drift. An old buddy used to refer to all this as “inside baseball” meaning…nobody would know what the hell you were talking about unless they too were part of the clique.

Knowing the lingo of somebody else’s job generally serves to ingratiate you – just as knowing how to speak another language puts you in good standing with people who speak that language primarily. You see a Spanish girl and say something in the throes along the lines of “Me gusta tu chocha. Es bien suave y apretada”…she’ll be a lot more receptive than if you say the same thing in English. Especially if she doesn’t speak English. Continue Reading

Remember a while back I noted that American women of color have been known to walk around buck naked in my presence with no reservations at all while their Korean counterparts freak out if I see them coming out of the shower with nothing on? Well, if you don’t…that was the gist of one of many blog entries on the subject of cultural differences in the escort rank and file. So anyway…I have another one for today.

It was a bittersweet visit I spent after my ride to the West Side this afternoon because I knew it would be my very last collection for this here blog. It’s not likely that I’ll be seeing any of the girls again and I don’t think any of us is all that happy about it. But as usual…I digress.

The girl I went to see today is one who always meets me in front of her building. I have never been upstairs. The rendezvous is generally (actually always) prefaced with a hug from who happens to be a pretty girl with a sizeable natural chest. (I know! What’s not to like about that?!?!) The past couple of meetings, she’s done a little groping which would in an office setting be grounds for a sexual harassment suit. Continue Reading

Everybody loves pictures of hot Korean girls photoshopped to death so they look like the only beauty pageant winners. That goes without saying. But over the years, I’ve taken a few shots I find so much more unique – and revealing of the culture our favorite girls bring to the good ol’ USA. Peeling back the layers behind the shiny and glittery veneer we all throb for is just so much fun. Like check a few of these out!

Ever go to a real Korean restaurant in Flushing…with a real Korean who wants to put his home country’s cuisine on full display? They serve like 30 different dishes with dinner. Don’t even ask what all this stuff is (because I don’t know)…but I just had to take a picture of the table! Witness!

Continue Reading

Years ago back in the Action mag days, I had a client out in Woodside who called themselves QUALITY TIME. Basically, it was a South American casita in a high rise (58th Street) which featured what you’d expect – and one mature lady who might have boasted the biggest chest I’ve ever seen in my 20 years on the trail.

But before you get all excited, today’s post isn’t about that Quality Time. It’s about a woman and her son who I met at my Saturday volunteer deal. A guy named Fitz (who I like) brought the duo down about a month ago and when they were assigned to food prep with me as their learless feeder, Fitzy sidled up to me to say they were his friends and he was hoping they’d have a rewarding experience. Convincing a 10 year-old boy that feeding the homeless on a Saturday afternoon can be a fun activity could be a daunting task for sure. Well anyway…I must have done something right because Fitz came over and thanked me after they left adding that they enjoyed themselves and particularly found me to be a positive influence. Continue Reading

Virtually everybody has at one point or another made up an excuse to miss work. No employer is immune. But when it comes to escorts, it seems that their perfection of the art puts other employees to shame. For the boss, the problem is extreme.

One American owner lamented to me over the phone…”like how many times can this girl’s grandmother die?” And if you think the phenomenon is the exclusive province of American girls, guess again! A Korean owner I know got so fed up with girls not showing for work citing some flimsy excuse that she actually sold the place so tired was she of being lied to! All of which brings me to the title of this opus…the mother of all excuses.

So I was sitting in the kitchen of an American place many moons ago and caught a conversation between the owner and one of his sloppy hood rat employees. I already knew the girl was a bald-faced liar because she’d told a big one at my expense to make it look like she was a big wheel and I a piker. Fortunately, the boss knew she was full of shit and I’m an honest guy. And he told her straight up that he believed me and not her. Continue Reading

Here’s a boring piece of amateur psychology I wrote many years ago on the subject of exactly what is it that enables a woman to do escort work. Profound it ain’t but still, all these years later, I mostly agree with the following observations.

There have been a few times I’ve met phone girls who are actually much more attractive than the women they arrange dates for. Well aware that the girls who do the escorting earn much more money than the phone girls, I’ll occasionally ask if they’ve ever considered going on the dates themselves (to make the big bucks) and generally, a horrified look will engulf the girl’s face and she’ll say something like “I would never!” So what is the rite of passage that allows some women to become escorts? This is the question for the ages. Continue Reading