In the past, I’ve told stories about escorts and the celebrities they meet on the job. And trust me…there are enough of them to fill a book. But what about pros who meet celebs while off duty? Believe it or not, that happens, too. And what if you yourself are bedding the girl who bedded the star…and she gives you a review of that star’s performance as if she were writing the guy up on TER or something? Bizarre! This has actually happened to me on at least two occasions that I can immediately recall.
Anecdote #1 came from an Amer-Asian hoochie mama who hustled herself an invitation to a rap star’s album party given at a club way west in the 50’s. “Get high” artist that she was, Brooke did exactly that and then stripped stark naked to do some sort of mystical flower girl/peyote dance on stage. After enjoying her performance for a few minutes, “Doodle’s” (name changed to protect the guilty) minions carried Brooke back to a private office area where Doodle diddled her!
I was incredulous when I heard the story. “I don’t know, Brooke. I hear Doodle does trannies,” claimed I not out of jealousy…but more to just mess with her to see how she’d react. Plus, the rumor mill had it that Doodle was hanging with trannies. There was some truth to my statement. Whatever…Brooke shot me an indignant look and declared “yeah, right! Doodle didn’t fuck me and I’m not a ho!” The indiscreet one then held her hands out separated by a normal length to say “he’s about that long…kind of skinny…and he busted in 15 seconds.”
Ouch! Not exactly a ringing endorsement. Hey! I guess if you mount a groupie you might want to give her your biggest, baddest and longest-lasting hard-on – that is – if you care about your reputation in that realm! Later that night, I asked her employer about the veracity of Brooke’s statement and apparently, all signs indicated that she was telling the truth. Brooke had been at the club… had stripped naked…and had been carried off by Doodle’s minions. I had little doubt at that point.
Story 2 came from my old German buddy. While she was a pro who claimed to have met Eliot Sptizer on the job (and liked him by the way – until she discovered that it was he who ruined her cushy deal at New York Magazine when Spitzer and NOW convinced the publication to stop running those “role play” ads in the back), Eva was also a troller who would go out and try to “turn” guys. Which is to say…she would attract a man at a restaurant, gym, or even in the street…and then convince him to pay for what he wanted.
But I digress. One night Eva was over at my apartment having me do computer chores when the girl asked me to look up a guy whose name I’ll change to Bob Beetle.
“Bob Beetle! Really?” I asked. “Why Bob Beetle?” Well, it turned out that she’d dated Bob and wanted to marry him, though she admitted he wasn’t equipped to star in any porn movies. But that hardly mattered. He had a gangster/tough guy personality. And she liked that. Unfortunately, he dropped out of sight (to her anyway) and when she called to ask how he was, Bob yelled at her “don’t ever call me again!” I guess he’d moved on.
And as I wind up this meaningless entry, I want to thank Jordan Belfort, the Wolf of Wall Street, for today’s inspiration. While reading his book, I couldn’t help but recall the odd night Eva described Bob to me as she sat in my futon chair when I read about Mr. Belfort’s relationship with the one and the same Bob, who he employed at one point in time.
Curious about the movie after finishing the book, I found it at the NYPL and discovered that Bob played himself in Scorcese’s movie. I get a kick out of Bob Beelte. He and Bernie Kerik have something in common. When you look at them, it’s hard to tell whether they’re cops or criminals. They just have that tough guy look like they’d fight 10 guys in an alley without hesitation. Nobody would ever accuse me of having that look. I’m jealous!
Well anyway…it just goes to show ya that celebs are people and unlike porn stars who share their limelight, not all are that prodigious between the sheets. The rumor mill is what it is and if you don’t want to be part of it…don’t fuck anybody!
Many years ago, a Texas floozy who I had no interest in bedding indiscreetly asked me in front of a few girls and her boss “Hey Billy! You got a big dick?” I gave her a matter-of-fact look and answered “I dunno! Ask around! See what you come up with.” I left it to the rumor mill. Just seemed like the appropriate response. Let the pieces fall where they may.