As we all know, adult directory ads are filled with lies. Girls will say anything to trick a guy! I remember one customer who wrote her own text in which she claimed to be “36DD and all natural,” when in fact she was all implants and no breasts at all! Ya know…balloons that looked like you could pop them with a pin! Exactly how she reconciled that lie upon meeting a guy I’ll never know.
Then ya got the old age deal. I know one girl who says she’s 32. I saw her ID recently. She’s 55! And then another says 48! She’s 70!! And let’s not forget about what I call the “tranny formula” which dictates that she add 50% to a certain organ. Or as Jimi Hendrix used to say “if 6 was 9.”
Add to that the hackneyed phrases “classy,” “accommodating” (spelled ten different ways – all wrong), “non-pro,” “intelligent,” and a myriad of others 99% of which don’t apply to the person describing herself…and what you get is an expose on “lies in advertising.” I mean…it’s ridiculous. Black girls say they’re latin…latin girls say they’re Italian…Chinese girls say they’re Japanese…and on and on. It never ends.
But maybe the biggest lie of all is one I just saw on a Backpage ad: “I love my job!” Yeah, right! I’ll tell ya who loves his job…a rock star who makes millions and gets blown by a parade of the world’s most beautiful women. A writer who wins a Pulitzer prize. An artist who sells a painting for $1 million dollars. But a girl who provides companionship to virtually anybody who walks through the door regardless of how smelly, rude or obnoxious that guy is? Horse shit. I ain’t buyin’ it. So just for fun, I’m going to write an ad which pulls back the veil which virtually all these ads wear. Here it is:
HOW TALL ARE YOU WHEN YOU STAND ON YOUR WALLET?
Stacked nympho looking to overwhelm a man physically and financially. I want a guy who quivers at my very presence and busts a load before he even gets his pants off…then apologizes for his dysfunction…and opens his big, fat wallet…wide…so I can remove all the contents and give them to my “boyfriend!” If that sounds like you, give me a call. Oh! And by the way…I love my job!
And there’s your honest ad…and the only time I might believe the old “I love my job” line. As if!