Back when I was making big money, I “serviced” most clients who wanted an ad regardless of how I felt about them. And when I had a full time job at Action Magazine, it was actually mandated that I accept all cummers! Hormone-torn trannies? Straight up pimps? Severe dommes? Gross-out man ho’s? Italian gangster types? Great American hoochie mamas? Euro skanks? Yes to all. That was my job.
One of my specialties was Colombianas from Queens. Given that the bosses and sales staff were all residents of Philadelphia and not bilingual, nobody was equipped to handle these accounts. I on the other hand, knew Queens well from driving a taxi (yes, I did go to Queens) and had 4 years of high school Spanish at least some of which I remembered. Thus, I was no stranger to the #7 train. Woodside? Jackson Heights? Corona? Flushing? I had clients in virtually every neighborhood on the “Rocker Ride.”
So one day, I got a call from a new casita located almost directly under the elevated train at 110th Street and Roosevelt. Really not an exclusive address – if you get my drift. Regardless, I rode out to enter a funky joint manned (or womaned) by just two middle-aged ladies. One was the boss – and the other a lumpy senora with just three fingers (no middle or ring finger) on her right hand!
Sick puppy that I surely am…the first mental image that popped into my deranged mind was what a hand job would look like from a three-fingered flatbacker! Oy! I shuddered at the thought! And I doubt I was alone. The whole milfy deal plus the missing fingers must have presented quite a conundrum to guys answering an Action ad with phony clip art adorning their advertisement.
But that’s the thing about working for a corporation. I sold the ad and no doubt (though I can’t remember) found a gorgeous magazine photo to bring the hombres to the yard. That was my job! Not surprisingly, I don’t think they lasted for more than a month. Which was fortunate…as I know I didn’t want to revisit the place.
Yup, I had a lot of wacky clients back in the Action days. But that casita took the cake. A three-fingered hooker. Get the fuck outta here!