Nowadays when people think of footprints, they think of carbon footprints – and how much pollution any one person or entity contributes to mankind’s eventual demise. But lately when I think footprints, I think about the person living next door to me. And it ain’t about their contribution or lack of same ecologically. It’s about how light or heavy that footprint is.
I’ve probably had 10 different neighbors living across a flimsy plasterboard wall from me over the years. I heard tone-deaf Nat bellowing along with Stevie Wonder. I heard Melvin snoring…and Jerry’s thunderous, earthquake-like gait. But three neighbors ago, I got lucky: a nice, quiet white bread girl moved next door. While her quietness was paramount in my mind, one of the IRS agents who interrogated me in the hallway got a quick crush on her as she stepped over us casting a suspicious eye on the proceedings (as in why are these official-looking guys with pad, pen and paper – and my neighbor – sitting on the floor in the hallway at 9 AM)?
But I digress. When after just 2 or 3 years living across the wall, the girl left…I held my breath awaiting what came next. And what came next was an even quieter and very good-looking 20-something Japanese girl. I mean…how lucky could I get? Maybe three months into her tenancy, I ran into the girl (who was properly private with me) in the elevator and pleaded “You must never move” referring not to her obvious beauty…but to how quiet she was. In three years, I think I heard her once – the night she had sex for like an hour and a half!
Then the streak of luck came to an end. She exited a month ago…but offered upon bidding me adieu “the new tenant is a nice Asian girl who just moved from San Francisco,” knowing how I place a premium on quiet. It turned out to be a hollow promise. The old neighbor (the gorgeous one who by the way, was relatively tall and thin) had virtually no footprint (as I said). But the new Asian? Think the old days of Asian houses mostly populated by short, squat, heavyish ladies – except this girl is younger.
Whether the new neighbor is a looker (which she isn’t) matters not. The girl stomps around like the delicate creature she clearly isn’t! Funny how the cute girl from before barely touched the floor when she walked. And the heavy-set not-so-attractive chick stomps around like a fucking cave man. Not funny actually. And before I even heard her footprint, I ran into the girl in the hallway and introduced myself only to have her look away and act like a distant dick. Not a good sign.
Well…after giving her a little blast while composing my new opus, she seems to have toned it down a notch. So maybe it won’t be so bad. But there’s no way she’ll ever be as quiet (or as good-looking) as my previous neighbor. Bummer.
Part of the problem lies with the landlord and rent-stabilization realities. When people move out, the owner guts the apartment and waxes the floors enticing people to live with the bare hard wood rather than carpeting. And so…you get noise in the interest of the owner upping the rents. Ah! New York. Love it or leave it! I’m planning on doing the latter. Never liked living in the city in the first place.
And here’s some more work on the new track: