As we all know, the term “reality show” is already an oxymoron. Like…who in his right mind would believe that crap isn’t completely staged? Well anyway…in the course of doing nothing all day, I happened up on a Backpage ad run by a girl I’d spoken to before. With nothing else to do, I dialed her up to work some sort of magic. And during our meandering verbal intercourse, the subject of the Dennis Hof’s House of Horticulture (aka the Moonlight Bunny Ranch) came up. Without any provocation on my part, she began to tell the story of her employment at the Nevada oasis a few years back. And trust me…it wasn’t pretty…and absolutely nothing like what you see on HBO.
MAKING THE VOYAGE:
The story begins when she and a colleague decided to contact the Bunny Ranch in search of prospective employment. They’d heard some good things and were up for the adventure…which as you can already tell…turned out to be a nightmare. Now, I don’t know if it’s like this for all the employees. But this is how it went for this girl who by the way…looks pretty hot to me. She’s no dog with fleas in the looks department. That’s for sure.
First, the dynamic duo had to fly their asses out to Las Vegas on their own dime. Which doesn’t sound that bad as they called unrecommended and didn’t even have to submit photos to get an interview. Upon arrival, the girls first had to go see the doctor (on their dime again)…and then the Sheriff for a background check and licensing (that cost them money as well)…and finally, cover their own hotel room for the night until everything checked out whereupon they were allowed to stay at the Bunny Ranch.
Down several hundred dollars for the flight, hotel, doctor and licensing fees, the girls passed muster and were then presented with an encyclopedic rule book (which included turning in their cell phones) and a 7 day contract for employment which if they broke (like they hated the place and wanted to run away)…the girls could be arrested by the Sheriff! Yikes! Sound a little like indentured servitude or what?
On the plus side, the room and board charge was only 50 bucks a day. And there was a kitchen mommie who served three daily meals and two refrigerators filled with snacks. If they slept or worked through a meal, the girls could still eat. So even if they couldn’t gab on their cellies and were forced to buy phone cards and use house phones to contact the outside world, they at least had a roof over their heads and were well fed.
On to the clientele and the prices they paid! While there was an occasional celebrity who’d drop by…mostly the customers were roustabouts from the local ranches. Remember…Las Vegas is like a hundred mile drive so most of the gamblers find locals at the casinos or nearby. They don’t really need to make the trip.
Negotiating what the customer would pay took place in the room where the boss has intercoms to hear all communications. Thus, no hanky panky on that front. And there was no bottom to the negotiations. Inevitably, price wars ensued during which girls would give Mexican ranch hands 80 dollar sessions of which they would see the usual 50% – rather than get nothing at all by establishing a set price to which all they girls could adhere. And if the girls got a tip, they would have to turn it in with the money and get paid a day later. So translated, if you sold a 100 dollar session and got a 20 dollar tip, you would give the boss the 120 and get 70 back the next day. That was the protocol.
GOODBYE BUNNY RANCH:
Pretty much none of this met with these girls’ satisfaction. And after the week was up, they split for the casinos which was apparently equally abhorrent. Bottom line is…the one I spoke to sowed her wild oats and discovered that the grass was definitely not greener on the other side. She returned back home to New York.
Great story! Oh…and by the way…after returning to New York and going back to work at whatever incall, guess who showed up at the door one day! Yup! And she took one look at Dennis and slammed the door in his face. Apocryphal as this final narrative might be…it makes a nice end to the story!