In the beginning, it was an amazing story. Young girl lost in the woods for 25 days – surviving on mushrooms, berries and muddy water? Who couldn’t feel good about that ending?!?! And the way she looked! Kind of like Jody Foster in “NELL.” But scratch the surface and in fact, this isn’t a feel-good story at all.
LISA THERIS is a 25 year-old girl who before returning to her parent’s home and enrolling in a local community college, was living with a boyfriend and waitressing at (drum roll) HOOTERS! While home from cohabiting for just a month, Ms. Theris managed to get arrested for disorderly conduct when she blew a gasket and caused a scene in a courtroom at a friend’s appearance. Maybe I’ve been around escorts too long, but right away, I’m getting a picture here. Lisa ain’t no goody goody Harvard undergrad.
Ok! I’m an asshole. But that’s just the beginning. Ms. Theris was hanging out with two dudes when they decided to burglarize a hunting lodge. According to these losers, Lisa jumped out of their car and ran into the woods the moment they planned to bust through the lodge gate with their vehicle.
Whatever happened, the boys succeeded in stealing thousands of dollars worth of stuff from the lodge (a place where one of their fathers was the manager) and were caught on security cameras. When apprehended and asked about the whereabouts of Lisa (the law knew she was with them), each claimed that the other had killed her! Do you believe this shit?
The country sheriff is of the opinion that the trio were so high on meth they really had no clue as to what they were doing and no memory of the events. As far as the likelihood that the trio were all high goes…both guys are known to local authorities as drug users and sellers (they live in a small town).
And the icing on the cake? (As a hiker, I gotta love this one.) At no time was this girl more than a mile from a road! And there are several paths, trails and power lines in that woods she could have followed to civilization. This is kind of like getting lost in INWOOD HILL PARK.
The story gained traction because of what Lisa and her body looked like! She was all bitten up…as dirty as a sow…and 45 pounds lighter. Well, maybe the audience was buying all this but me? No fucking way. This chick is a hot mess who’s hiding something. Just my opinion of course. But I’ve been lost in the woods at times. And I found my way out in fewer than 25 days. Just sayin’. I’m glad the media had such a good time with this story. But it would have been nice if they’d done a little more research before running with it – because Lisa Theris is no girl scout.