Normally, my “mirror mirror” style entries are about who’s the fairest escort of them all? Or gives the best “service?” Alternatively, the theme might broach an escort’s entitlement – and that she needs to do a “mirror check” to have a look at the world’s most spoiled brat. But today’s “mirror mirror” is different. Allow me.
Becoming a federal defendant offers a myriad of indignities I won’t take the time to enumerate on this page. I’ll simply choose one: Peeing in a cup with another dude you don’t know present – even though my crime had nothing to do with drugs. Now don’t get me wrong. This is a botheration which pales in the face of IRS agents seizing 6.56 million dollars. But in the context of a sex/escort blog, I figured you guys would be interested in today’s subject.
Here’s the way the pee test works: After seeing the probation officer, you are dispatched to the outer office to convene with a man who “escorts” you to a squeaky clean bathroom which has all four walls (or at least three) covered by mirrors. You’re given a cup and told to pee in it to a certain marked level while your homey stands maybe 5 feet behind as you do your thing. The pee-er faces two challenges (beyond passing the test): He has to urinate in front of another guy on command. And he has to produce enough urine. Which means the liquid level must rise to the line.
Nobody wants to hold it in before going to the office and then cross his legs until it’s time whereupon you overfill the cup and piss all over yourself. Thus, it’s a delicate balance. With all parties involved aware of this reality, there are water fountains all over the place so perps can “fill up.” And when it’s time for the test, your officer will always ask if you’re ready or if you need time.
To the point. Like when I get cortisone shots and never watch the injection, I similarly don’t look up from the job at hand to check out the guy behind who’s watching me piss. And I’ve occasionally wondered if those mirrors leave a guy any privacy. Does the inspector have a bird’s eye view of everything?
That question was answered two days ago. I’d taken a leak before riding over the bridge on a warm day. And even though I brought a water bottle and drank most of it en route, I wasn’t sure given my reasonably profuse sweating that I’d be ready for showtime. Add the circumstance that it wasn’t 5 minutes after I’d entered the office that I was done seeing my officer and on my way to the commode with my partner.
Taking my usual stance, I began peeing and as I finished observed out loud “I hope I made the line”…meaning the obvious. And before I’d even zipped up or turned around with the cup, my guy acknowledged that I had…which left but one conclusion.
Ya know…most men’s rooms nowadays have little partitions separating urinals specifically so guys don’t be checkin’ other dudes’ junk out while they’re peeing. And here I’d come to realize that each and every time I take a pee test, there’s some guy whose job it is to do exactly that! Kind of creepy and I daresay inappropriate for a guy who didn’t suffer a drug charge in the first place. Wouldn’t it make more sense to spy on me to see if I’m making money and not reporting it (which I’m sure they are)?
Well anyway…as I said…there are all sorts of indignities associated with being a defendant. I only wish that having a stranger watch me pee in a cup was the worst of them. Unfortunately, it’s not.