As I’ve noted before, the escort rank and file is not a good source for wisdom, philosophy, humor or timeless one-liners. Escorts don’t contemplate their station in the universe or time continuum. They’re mostly hedonists who live in the present. Despite, there have been isolated moments of clarity expressed by one person or another from the community I’d like to share today.
Actually, the first came not from an escort…but from a distributor of pornography who had a warehouse out in Corona. The outfit specialized in S & M and tranny flicks…and the boss had called into Adam As Eve magazine (a tranny contact tabloid) to purchase an ad hoping he might score some mail orders for his movies from the tranny-chasers who bought that publication. And I as one of the ad reps, was dispatched to sell the ad.
It wasn’t going to be a profitable venture that was for sure. He only wanted a 1/4 page ad which would make me in the neighborhood of 30 bucks in commissions. But at that point in time, I was out in Queens at least once a week taking care of casitas and Asians who were advertising in Action. So no big deal to stop off and grab the sale.
Well anyway…I rode the #7 train to the Corona station with publication in hand and walked over to the grimy warehouse where all the gash was piled up for distribution…and met a 50 or 60-something perv named Vince who ran the joint. And as any salesman would do to make the sale, I proudly opened the magazine to display the exceptional piece of crap I was repping.
I should mention that Adam As Eve contained numerous photos of advertisers showing off their junk because surprise, surprise…the bigger the display…the easier the sale. One individual in particular (who looked more like a dude in a wig than a woman) was sporting what looked more like a third leg than it did a you-know-what. Vince took a gander at the ad and then philosophized “Boy! if I had a dick like that I wouldn’t be wearing a fucking dress!”
Now Vince wasn’t an enlightened guy who understood the concept of a woman being born into a man’s body – or any of that bull shit the transgendered community preaches. And if he were…it wouldn’t have mattered. All’s he knew was it was a crime against nature to have a dick that big and want to be a girl. And how somebody that endowed didn’t want to tear asunder every pussy from here to Timbuktu escaped him.
I can’t recall ever meeting up with Vince again. I don’t think he sold any movies from the publication and dropped the ad. Regardless, I always remembered his one-liner as emblematic of just how befuddled many people are about the entire transgendered ethos. And he sure was a funny poster boy for unenlightenment. I know that feeling like you’re a woman born into a man’s body has nothing to do with the size of your junk. But still…Vince’s comment was just too fucking funny.
Timeless one-liner number 2 came from a hot project Puerto Rican mess with the prototypical pathology (complete with being turned into a drug-runner at age 6 and getting sexually abused by her uncle at about the same time). One day after a photo shoot in her apartment up in Harlem, we were walking to the 60 minute photo joint to get the film developed (this was a while back…obviously) when my friend waxed philosophical proudly declaring that she had $12,000 saved and deposited in Citibank because “what’s the point of being a broke ho?”
In her own inimitable style, Diana was saying that being a sex worker was undignified enough on its own. But to be a ho with no money as well was just too low…and she wanted no part of it. Diana at least had a bank account and something to show that she wasn’t completely adrift. Hard to argue the point and ever since, I’ve quoted her on numerous occasions. Escorting surely is not the most dignified work and as such, a girl should at least have some money stashed if she’s chosen that profession. Makes sense to me.
After 20 years of having sold adult advertising, I’m sorry to say that those are the only two one-liners worth mentioning in this entry. But at least, they are worthy. “If I had a dick like that, I wouldn’t be wearing a fucking dress” and “What’s the point of being a broke ho?” Words to live by for sure.