Like most millennial personalities (ha ha), I have multiple email accounts. Why would a geezer like yours truly even bother? Well, hopefully, at least one hasn’t been hacked by someone I’d rather wasn’t reading my correspondence.
Digression: A couple of years back, Time Warner sent me a letter to the effect that my email account might have been hacked. Ya think? Let me give y’all a hint. It was hacked – and I know who hacked it, you dumbasses! Given the tone of your communication, it occurs to me that they might not have had a warrant. News flash for Time Warner: your firewall sucks! For a second I thought it might be profitable to sue the big behemoth. But at $525/hour to even consider the matter with my legal stud, I reconsidered.
Ok! Back to “lust makes the world go round.” So like all the other millennials, I arrange for different junk mail to go to the different accounts. Ya know…kind of sorting out the excrement so I know which account has the dog crap…which has the horse shit and so on. You get the idea.
So this morning, I received a message in the account with which I signed up to Seeking Arrangement (not to worry – I never paid. It was just a research project). It came from somebody named Julie. And in the subject line it read “You have a new sweetheart.” I opened the correspondence and the incredible beauty you see above is my new girlfriend. Not too shabby. Her waist is a little thick and her teeth aren’t quite 100%. But I could hit that in a pinch.
I kid of course. When was the last time I had a girlfriend who looked like that? Answer: never! But girlfriends like that – even if they’re just for an hour – apparently make the world go round. How else could a fairly pretty (and very enthusiastic) certain Korean girl bank 50k a month in New York – and 70k in Hawaii (and that’s with the house money already subtracted)?
The truth is that very few men could “earn” a woman like the one pictured. But buy one for an hour? Bada-bing bada-boom. Like (or as) I said…lust makes the world go round. Five hundred bucks an hour to buy something you simply could never earn? That’s an easy decision for a guy whose ability to turn a buck far exceeds his ability to turn women’s heads.
Think about all the harassment crap that’s been going down recently. How many fabulous careers have been nuked simply because a man’s lust overcame his common sense? I’m running out of fingers and toes. Somebody find me an abacus quick! I’m losing count!
And actually, the very fact that some hustling entity would even send that bull shit email to anyone speaks volumes. There are actually idiots who bite on that crap. Would a fish nibble on a turd if you put it on a blingy hook? Debatable. But put a phat chest and a pretty face in an email and you can bet that some dude with an incurable hard-on will swallow the bait hook, line and stinker.
Yup! There’s no bout adoubt it. Lust makes the world go round. Which is why there are 7+ billion of us critters overpopulating the face of this planet. Too much boinking – not enough thinking. But leave me not over philosophize. I feel a carnal need. See ya later…I think I’ll go mount a tamayta!