As I’ve mentioned on numerous occasions previously, I hate a faker. You’re a photographer? Let me see a picture you took. A singer? Sing me a song! A writer? Send me an article you wrote.
Today’s two fakers are as different as they could possibly be. One was half of a duo that sold millions of records. And the other a fashion model and er…something else in life.
So I’m watching a PBS special on the life of the EVERLY Brothers, siblings who I happen to think stood out in a sea of not-so-talented doo-woppers at the time. As is the custom, production found a lot of talking heads to spice up the presentation. On comes ART GARFUNKEL, the guy I considered a tag-along in the SIMON AND GARFUNKEL duo given that Simon did the lion’s share of the writing and lead-singing – and all of the guitar-playing.
Art is busy explaining the Everlys’ harmonic style – one of singing almost exclusively in thirds (the harmonic interval between the two notes they sang at any given time) and then proceeds to sing two notes in succession to illustrate. Small problem, though. The schmuck sings fifths! Any musician worth his weight in dog shit knows a third from a fifth when he hears it – or especially – sings it! But Art Garfunkel doesn’t, apparently. No wonder that when the duo broke up, Simon went on to more fame and fortune while except for one hit, Garfunkel went on to hiking across Switzerland alone in an attempt to find himself.
Faker #2 is MELANIA TRUMP. It turns out that the first lady was allowed permanent residence in the US via what is colloquially called the “Einstein program,” an initiative which welcomes people of extraordinary accomplishments the likes of winning a Pulitzer prize…or a gold medal in the olympics…or doing significant research and having many papers published in esteemed periodicals. Exactly how did Miss Knauss (her maiden name) qualify? Is bagging a multi-millionaire now considered an exceptional ability? Or maybe making 9″ disappear would qualify!
I think it’s safe to say that Ms. Trump has no extraordinary abilities that would qualify her for the Einstein Program. Yet, Melania obtained permanent residency in the US before she married the Donald. I wonder how that happened. And let’s not talk about her stirring albeit plagerized speech at the GOP convention. Unless she’s posing as a poser, I’d have to classify MT as a faker. The Eisntein program and Melania Trump in one breath? Now if that ain’t an oxymoron I don’t know what is.
If I were an immigrant seeking permanent residence in the US, I’d have no trepidation about qualifying under the Einstein Program, as I have an extraordinary ability to bore readers. And on that note, I’m take my leave.