At long last, the email arrived. My sky blue (to match my eyes) North Carolina Tar Heels knit cap had arrived at K Mart. When it came to function, this was not a crucial moment. I have at least 6 different knit caps to protect my bald head from winter’s ferocity. But form? I anticipated a wave of female attention to be generated by the flashy headgear. That’s why I “bought” it.
I place the word bought in quotes for a reason. The Tar Heels garment listed for $12 – but had been marked down to $5.84 as the end of winter (though you wouldn’t know it) approaches. With $5 in “free cash” it was effectively an 84 cent purchase. And that 84 cents came out of my Shopyourway points which I won playing internet games. Bottom line: free hat!
So I pick up the joint and clearly, it’s a cheap piece of shit – albeit with an NC logo and a delightful (read gay) color scheme. I joke to the girl behind the counter “Ima need security to get me home. Ya know…to keep the girls away.”
The hat I wore on the way over is a very warm camouflage deal I also got free at K mart earlier this winter. I like it because from a functional standpoint, it excels at the job of keeping my head warm. But a chick magnet it ain’t.
On the way back home from K Mart, guess what! Not one…but two chicks checked me out! One milfy type even nodded her approval. Who cares if my head is cold? Da goils! Stupid, right? Still, the fairer sex doesn’t care about function. They judge a man by his form. Thus, the looks with the cute hat.
Moving on…it’s Stormy Wednesday – in more than one way. Our heroin STORMY DANIELS just passed a lie detector test concerning whether she did His Excellency without a rubber. Now there’s a surprise! Really! Who in his (or her) right mind didn’t believe Stormy’s story? That lie detector test should have been administered to the president and not the porn star – as it’s the former whose statements are often untrue.
In the meantime, DONALD JR.’s marriage is going up in smoke apparently because he’s a cheapskate. And not because when HOWARD STERN asked him how much 16 times 7 was he answered 84. (Or was that Eric? I can’t remember. I know IVANKA answered “That’s not a fair question”…and Hizzoner responded “eleven twelve.” Ah! The stable genius at work!!)
Back to DJT fucking a porn star without protection. This subject has been broached on escort forums both in the past and recently. And I gotta ask “Who the fuck has sex with a ho house honey without a barrier?” And conversely, what ho fucks a dirty trick who’s careless enough to not care? Yo! A girl on drugs. That’s who! Really bad idea!
Well! Time to put on my trusty old Tom McCann boots and head over to my protestant refuge. I wonder if all those little Chinese ladies will actually line up for pantry today? Gotta love them old girls. Queued up for free food in their Canada Goose jackets. Go figure!