Yeah, right. Don’t make me laugh. I don’t know about y’all…but just about everything I buy was made somewhere else. Ya know…like a place where people who don’t know the difference between “to” and “too” and “there” and they’re” don’t join a union and earn $50/hour for doing a half-assed job at something or other.
So K Mart had a deal which was about to expire: “Buy $30 in clothing and get $15 off.” In addition, I had some Shopyourway points I’d won on their game site that were drawing to a close as well. It was use it or lose it time so obviously, I chose to use it! “Let’s see,” I said to myself. “I got too many pairs of blue jeans…too many hoodies…too many socks…and plenty of underwear. What’s left? Aha! Baseball caps. I only have about a half dozen of those.”
My baseball caps are of two varieties: Free and $3 and under. That’s not to say that they look cheap and crappy. More like I’m a good shopper. Two military style jobbies I got at the bus station in Orlando when I visited my brother cost two for five bucks – and have garnered many “Thank you for your service” compliments over the years. And my $2 “NY” cap is actually fairly high quality – though I have noticed some homeless guys wear the same hat – effectively relieving the garment of some of its cache.
Moving on…I decided to score some bona fide MLB endorsed products. Ya know…like a fancy schmancy deal akin to a real Gucci bag – rather than a Canal Street knock off! The package arrives at K Mart and I eagerly walk over to get my Cubs and Marlins caps, priced at $17.99. Clearly, the real deal as far as I was concerned.
When I got home, it was time to inspect the headgear for quality. I mean…this is MLB stuff, made in the good ol’ US of A. It’s got to be righteous, no? Don’t make me laugh. The caps had all the right stickers and what not. So I knew they were real. But the quality had a distinctly Chinese look. Close! Guess where the mother fuckers were made! Viet-fucking-nam! Yup! A sanctioned cap representing the great American pastime – made in a country we invaded, directly or indirectly causing the death of over 3 million people just 50 years ago. Ain’t that a bitch! And ya know why those MLB caps are made in Vietnam? Because who’s gonna pay 50 bucks for the sucker – which is what it would cost if American workers were hired to do the manufacturing.
To sum up: Made in America might have meant something once upon a time. But now? Find me anything you bought in the past month that was actually made in America. And if you do, let me know if it’s any good. I have my doubts.
Now it’s off to the Meatloaf Kitchen where I’ll wear my Made in Vietnam hat while I serve a predominantly Chinese (and not homeless) crew. What am I gonna do? Shoot myself before I’ve mounted every pretty girl in the world? Not a chance. I continue undaunted.
P.S. Down at the volunteer spot, Murphy had a bona fide MLB Yankee cap. It was Made in the USA and cost him $33. So much for my bona fide MLB cap. Duped again! But my cap was much fancier and showier than his. Form over function once again.