Sometimes when you go fishing for compliments, your ego gets what it deserves. Take a few nights ago as an example. I was playing my rap opus for somebody I thought was a crossover type. And by that I mean a black girl who would garner approval and hold her own intellectually at an all white gathering of college-educated people.
Well maybe this girl can (or can’t – not really an issue), but her response to my “song” was to play a once-popular (7 million You Tube plays) ho rap I’d never heard before by one MARIAH LYNN, quite possibly the most repulsive woman I’ve ever seen or heard.
Now I get rap – and certainly know its history given I was in the music business when “RAPPER’S DELIGHT” turned the industry on its head 38 years ago. And there have been some recordings in the genre I viewed as creative, inventive, groundbreaking and all that good stuff.
But this record which my buddy held in lofty esteem was about the most underproduced and obnoxious piece of crap I’ve ever heard. Listeners with taste like this girl’s – and artists and producers who ground out records of this low quality – was a big part of why I left the music business.
Well anyway…I did a little googling on the rapper…found the video for the song my friend had played me…and then some clips from “LOVE AND HIP HOP,” a reality show I’ve checked out on occasion (just for the eye candy) and switched off owing to the quality of the entertainment, which mostly featured tattooed homies and augmented and overly made-up hoochies fussin’ and fightin’. (Maybe with the sound turned off the show would be more palatable. I’ll have to try that.)
It turns out that Mariah is one of the Love and Hip Hop reality stars. And about the least attractive both physically and spiritually of all the unattractive women on that show. To be real, I don’t picture her making a lot of money as a ho (which she reveals in her rap – “I was a ho. And I’m admittin’ it cause I did the shit.”) She isn’t very pretty…has silly fake breasts…and an ass begging for a booty pad in her jeans. Mind you, women can be attractive without those strategic body parts. But when you’re as meaningless and unappealing personally as Mariah Lynn, ya might wanna have them (ya feel me?).
I watched but one two minute clip during which she confronts some uvva ho who’s beating her time with a tattooed male rapper wearing a wife beater, and clocks her with a right cross whereupon security jumps in to stop the fight. Charming!
Enough. Without further ado, I bring you “I’m a ho” by Mariah Lynn. Judge for yourself and tell me you couldn’t make this record for 50 bucks – even before the days of Garageband and Pro Tools. Haha! Did I say pro tools? That’s exactly what this monster is!
I publish the official version so you can get the full effect of just how horrible this production is. But you’ll have to move past the first minute and a half as it’s a lame plot set up I assure you…you can live without.