Predictably, once the news hit the Daily News about my surprising financial riches, there were escorts who would snuggle up to me in some poorly-camouflaged attempt at accessing my wallet (which by the way, never has even a dollar inside). None of this surprised me as “the crew” are farmers of a sort – their crop being greenbacks and their farms the guys who would yield the almighty bumper crop.
But it did come as a surprise that a volunteer would bust a move – albeit with much more style and subtlety than your average flatbacker. While mingling with the volunteers last Saturday, one of the cuter girls addressed me as “Dollar Bill”…high-fived me hello (I hadn’t seen her for a while)…and then added “I need a million dollars and a pony.”
My response was to the effect that she wasn’t the first girl to make some sort of clumsy overture – and that so far, nobody has been anywhere near successful. But I got a kick out of her come-on because it had a subtext none of the escorts had the brains to summon. And that subtext was the pony reference. All little girls want daddy to buy them a pony. With that request, I inferred the girl was implying “I know you’re way older than me but you treat me right and I’ll be daddy’s little girl. No problem.”
The funny thing was that at a volunteer party about a year ago, somebody asked me what I do for a living and I answered “I’m retired. You realize I’m 68 years old.” The “pony” girl heard this and shot me a look that said “OMG! I was kind of checking you out but I can’t go out with somebody that old!” Apparently, that’s changed.
Whatever…I didn’t pursue the matter any further. But I had to comment today having been approached by a golddigger who isn’t an escort. Actually, there are a lot of guys who’d grab this girl in a second. She’s cute, smart and has a giant chest. Oh well! He who hesitates sleeps alone. For better or worse, I hesitated and slept alone.